Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Allyson

Mom to Olivia Grace

Born Prematurely on January 15, 2011

Frisco, Texas

I will never forget my first morning with morning sickness. At first I thought it was the stomach flu, but after a week I decided it was time for a test. It took 8 tests to make me believe I was actually pregnant. I called my boyfriend, who lived hours away at the time, with the news. The excitement started from there.

My parents weren't very happy at first, and my father was going to force me to get an abortion (I'm 16). I sadly went to the clinic with my mom, and boyfriend, and luckily when they called me to the back nothing showed on my ultrasound. But, they thought I was having an ectopic pregnancy. I was actually relieved, because I wouldn't have to get an abortion.

The next week I went to my OB, and there she was, the little dot, and a tiny fluttering heart.

Three more months went by, and I was four months pregnant. One night I was at work walking out and I coughed. I felt like I had peed in my pants so I rushed into the bathroom. There was a large amount of bleeding. Luckily my boyfriend and I worked at the same place, so I rushed to get him to take me to the hospital. We swung by my house, which was right by the hospital, and got my mom. When we got there I was taken back, and the doctor checked my cervix, and I had an ultrasound.

They called my doctor saying everything was okay, so she just told me to come in the next day. When I got to her office, and she did an ultrasound she said everything was normal, and she had to idea where the bleeding was coming from, and that we were having a little girl! She told me she wanted me on bed rest until the bleeding stopped. Weeks went by with the same amount of bleeding. But one night I woke up in the worst pain.

I went to the ER, and the doctor there checked my cervix, and sent me up to Labor and Delivery. My doctor quickly met us there, and broke the news that I was probably going to deliver that night, from what the ER doctor told her. She checked me, and said I was very lucky and wasn't going to.

I spent two long days in the hospital until a specialist came in to see me. She said my baby's lungs and heart weren't completely developed yet, but that she thought I could go home. So, that day I was released. Four hours passed at home and I started having really bad contractions, to the point where I was vomiting. When I got to the hospital I went through all the same things, but this time they said they weren't going to release me at all until I gave birth. They sent me up to postpartum where I would stay until I had her.

That night I started bleeding a lot more, and after a few hours of the nurses giving me medicine to knock me out, my doctor arrived. She checked my cervix, and said I was 5 cm dilated and would give birth. I was taken down to Labor & Delivery where they gave me an epidural, and inserted two pills into my vagina to speed my contractions up.

My doctor gave me a quick speech that she would only live for forty seconds, and that she would probably look unproportioned. After what seemed like a few minutes I gave birth to her, and the moment she was put into my arms I knew she was perfect. She spent a over an hour and twenty minutes with us, until her little heart gave out. It was the hardest thing in the world holding such a beautiful little girl knowing she was slowly dying and you couldn't so anything to save her.

Before I left the hospital they gave me the outfit she was put in, her blanket, hand and foot prints, a molding with her hands and feet, and her picture. The time I spent with her was the most amazing time in the world. In April I'm going to Panama to spread some of her ashes, and keeping the rest with me.

"As Long As I Live You Will Live As Long As I Live You Will Be Remembered As Long As I Live You Will Be Loved..."