Jaime

Miscarriage at 5 weeks, June 2000

Miscarriage at 5 weeks, June 2009

Mom to Sydney Alexis, born at 20 weeks on February 10th, 2009

Fenton, MO

I always knew I wanted to be a mom.  When my husband Eric and I got married in 1998, we were 19 and 20 and he was still in college so we thought we would wait until he finished school to have a baby.  I had always had irregular cycles so I had a feeling it wouldn't be easy for me to get pregnant.  We both wanted to have four children, so we hoped that it wouldn't be too difficult for us to conceive.

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Adriana

Mom to Sophia Alexis Davies

Stillborn on March 27th, 2008

St. Petersburg, FL

In 2008 my husband Justin and I had been expecting our first baby, a girl that we named Sophia. My whole pregnancy had been semi-tough, I was diagnosed with diabetes 7 months into my pregnancy, had some minor blood pressure issues and low platelets. The new diet and activity schedule I was placed on was difficult to get used to but I managed to stick to it and still enjoy every new thing happening with my body.

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Alison

Mom to Moira Mae

May 8th, 2009-May 11th, 2009

West Brookfield, MA

This is the story of Moira Mae, born May 8, 2009 and left this Earth as a beautiful angel on May 11, 2009. Moira was a much longed for miracle baby that was loved before she was even conceived. 

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Jamie

Mom to Angel Baby

September 10th, 2008

Goose Creek, SC

My husband and I were best friends all through high school. We were married in Jan 2008 and our son Robbie attended our wedding. Soon after we bought our first house, got a family dog, and I quit working to be a stay at home mommy. We decided it was the perfect time to bring another blessing into our family. The beginning of May I started feeling sick ALL the time. I thought I could be pregnant but was afraid to be disappointed again. So I waited but not long. On Thursday May 5 2008 hubby and I bought 2pk pregnancy test. We were so excited. I couldn't even look at the test, I made hubs do it. And when he told me we were pregnant I didn't believe him. We called all our family/friends and I even got a doctors appointment for the following Thursday. We were so happy and excited.

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Michele
Mom to Nicholas, February 1st, 2008, lived for one hour
Sophia, February 16th, 2008, lived for five minutes
and Alexander, November 23rd, 2009, lived for five minutes
Harleysville, PA

After nearly a decade of infertility, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and treated with ovulatory drugs to facilitate getting pregnant. On our first medicated cycle, we conceived our twins, Nicholas and Sophia. My pregnancy was textbook; and, joys of all joys, we found out we were having a boy and girl at thirteen weeks.

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Kristina
Mom to Jeremy
Stillborn on July 14th, 2009
Cooper City, FL

On February 15, 2009 I found out I was pregnant. I was about to turn 21 in a week and was living away from my family. All through my teenage years I never liked kids and always said I would never have any. Once I found out I was pregnant I changed my mind. On May 15 I went in for my 20 week ultrasound. I found out I was having a boy and that day had decided his name would be Jeremy. At the ultrasound I was told Jeremy had a "soft spot" on his kidneys. The doctor told me it was probably nothing serious and would most likely be cleared up by birth. They went ahead and sent me for a Level 2 ultrasound just to be sure.

In June my husband and I decided it would be best to move back home to live with my parents so we could get some help and have a better place to live. I looked around and found the best doctor in my area and made my 6 month check up with her. She sent me for a follow up on the Level 2 ultrasound just to ease my mind about the "soft spot".

When I went for the 2nd ultrasound the perinatologist quickly looked over the kidneys said everything was fine and Jeremy looked healthy from the neck down. Then they focused in on his brain and would not give me any answers but I knew something was wrong. He said Jeremy had fluid on his brain and 2 enlarged brain ventricles. The next morning I was being sent for a fetal MRI (that I now regret going to) in Miami. I had set everything up with a lady at the perinatologist office and she told me that all my paperwork and information would be faxed over to the hospital so all I would have to do was show up. Friday morning I get to the hospital for the MRI and they had no idea I was coming in and the doctors office had not sent my information over. I had not eaten because the nurse told me I could not eat and I was waiting around, starving, for my paperwork to get there. The doctors office had sent my medical records to the wrong number. Finally I had my MRI and the doctors doing the scan told me I should have eaten and they never tell patients not to eat for 12 hours before. During the MRI Jeremy was awake and kicking like crazy. I was so nervous and the doctors kept telling me what a happy healthy little boy he was to ease my mind. They sent me home with a cd of pictures of him as well. That afternoon after the MRI I decided to go to my doctors office because I was so dissatisfied with the perinatologist. My doctor wasn't in but I left a message with the nurse and she was going to get information back to me by Monday about it.

That night I go home exhausted but wasn't feeling Jeremy kicking. I figured he was tired because of the insane day we were having. The next morning I didn't get my usual wake up call at 9 am from him either. I thought "Ok, maybe this is normal?" My friend had invited me to go to the pool with her for the afternoon but when I got back I still hadn't felt Jeremy move. By Sunday morning I was very scared and went to my mom. She didn't really think I had too much to worry about but said to keep watching and told me to move around and drink lots of water. Monday morning when I didn't feel him kick we decided it was time to go to Labor and Deliver. I got hooked up to the monitor for about 30 minutes then went down for an ultrasound. The nurses weren't giving us too much information so we thought everything was ok. The ultrasound tech sent us back up to Labor and Delivery. When we got there the nurse pulled me aside and said "we did not see your baby's heartbeat we were watching yours". She brought us back to another room and said to wait there because they were calling my doctor over. After an hour of sitting in a room crying hysterically, no one had called my doctor. My husband went and tracked someone down and with in 5 minutes my doctor was in the room. She set the inducement date for the next morning, 7/14.

Some how we made it through that awful night and went to my doctors office the next morning. She left a note for them to let me in whenever I got there and to have a room open for us. She did another ultrasound just to make sure they were right then admitted me to the hospital. Before they induced, she came in just to see if I had dilated. She told me I was 4 cm already and I was only 27 weeks. She got on the phone with the perinatologist who told her I had started dilating on Thursday, but he never mentioned that to me. The perinatologist had not communicated any of the information to my OB. They started the inducement and epidural at 2 pm that afternoon. By 6 pm she came back to check the dilation, but Jeremy was already out.

Jeremy was born 7/14/2009 at 2 lbs 1 oz and 14 1/2 inches long. At first I was a little scared to see him but I decided I needed to. He was beautiful and looked so peaceful. While I was holding him I kept getting this vibe from him that he wanted me to be happy and not sad about him. The nurses were amazing too. They put his hand and feet prints in his baby book, took pictures for me and gave me this box with his first outfit and a little rattle and pillow they had him hold for the pictures. That box is now one of my most treasured things.

My doctor requested an autopsy on Jeremy that came back normal and blood work from me. At the hospital she saw that I had an incompetent cervix and would need a cerclage in my next pregnancy, but that was not the cause of death. When the blood work came in my OB personally called me and told me that I have a blood clotting disorder called PAI-1 and would need to be on Lovenox for the next pregnancy as well. She thinks that Jeremy had died from a blood clot in the placenta. If she hadn't pushed for an answer for me I would have never known that.

The week that followed I was so angry. I hated seeing pregnant women and hearing when a baby was born. I was miserable and just wanted everyone else to be as well. I joined a support group and met 3 amazing women and we all helped each other get through this. We decided that our little angel babies are our guardian angles. If it wasn't for them I couldn't be where I am today and I strongly believe Jeremy has made me a stronger person.

On October 20 (10 days after my original due date with Jeremy) I found out I was pregnant. I called my doctor right away she got me started on the Lovenox and on at my 12 week appointment she gave me the cerclage. I was on bed rest for a good 5 months. This time I had a guardian angel watching over me. I did everything the right way because now I knew. If something seemed wrong I called my doctor. I stayed on my modified bed rest after my doctor gave me the clear to move around a little bit. I joined pregnancy forums and learned what ever I could and had the best doctor at my hospital.

I just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on June 8, 2010. If you would have told me a year ago that today I would have a 6 week old baby girl I wouldn't believe you. If it wasn't for my doctor I wouldn't have her. Through all of this I have learned with bad there comes good. Even though it may not make sense at the time, it will. This experience has made me more religious and I like to think that Jeremy is in heaven watching over his mommy and daddy and baby sister, Kaitlyn. Even though we now have her and love her more than anything in the world, not a day goes by that I don't think about Jeremy.

You can contact Kristina at kfrisaro@comcast.net

Courtney
Mother to twins, Logan Ryan and Brody McRae, January 31st, 2009;
and rainbow baby Wyatt River, May 31st, 2010
Lansing, MI

The story of Logan Ryan & Brody McRae:

I cannot for the life of me remember the time that anything happened as it was all a blur. I didn't even know what time it was when I gave birth to the boys. Later on I would find out that Logan was born at 9:06am and Brody at 9:28am. I remember on the 30th, sitting in the Labor and Delivery room feeling somewhat OK. We were waiting on my blood results to see if my levels were going in the right direction. In comes Dr. R, the high risk Dr, and his team of interns. They all had very long faces and some would not look me in the eyes. Dr. R sat down and that is when I knew my life would change forever.
Dr. R in his calm, sensitive, compassionate voice explained to us that my levels are decreasing at a very alarming rate. It was diagnosed as HELLP syndrome. I was on the verge of having a seizure and possibly going into a coma and the only way to prevent this was to deliver the babies. There was no way around it he said. I immediately started sobbing and the next thing I remember was Jason holding me as the Dr's sat there and watched us cry. Shortly afterwards they left the room and Jason and I just held each other and realized our dreams of raising our babies was going to be over in a matter of hours. In a blink of an eye.

Jason made the call to my Mom and my sister to come to the hospital as soon as possible and was choking back tears in the process as I sat there, holding my stomach, praying silently to a God whom I would soon be angry at to please save my sons life. Not mine. Theirs. This is the first time I have admitted this.

Our family was there in a matter of hours. I was immediately hooked up to an IV of Magnesium Sulfate. The concoction, I would learn would make me feel like death. I was given a shot in my cervix and given suppositories to start dilatation. Jason and my Mom were in the room with me when I was given this stuff. I was scared out of my mind and felt horrible on that magnesium. I remember that they were both on my left side, Jason holding my hand, my Mom holding Jason, both crying and scared themselves. My poor husband. I can't even explain how it was to see my husband sobbing uncontrollably. It was literally the most heartbreaking thing I have ever witnessed. And so we waited for the contractions.
My in-laws went to get a hotel room, my Dad and grandparents all went home to get some rest because the Dr's said I wouldn't get contractions probably until the next day. My Mom, sister, and Jason were there with me the entire night. Poor Jason was so exhausted he passed out first. My contractions started. A pain that I have never felt in my life. A pain I should have been feeling much later on. Not at five and 1/2 months.

I do not recall this but at one point in the midst of my contractions, it was just my sister and I. Apparently I looked over at my sister and told her that I was afraid to fall asleep in fear that I would not wake up. She told me a few days later about our conversation and how she stayed up the entire night after that and watched my chest to make sure I was breathing. Be still my heart. My darling little sister was sitting there watching her sister suffer because of the babies in her womb that she herself helped create. My sister would later have terrible nightmares because of everything that happened that day.

The next morning. My contractions are getting closer together. I maybe had 4 hours of sleep. I remember I was laying on my right side, someone was rubbing my back because I was having terrible back labor. Then it happened. I felt a pop. My water broke. I knew it was going to be over soon. I almost didn't want to even tell anyone so that I could just have a few more minutes with my sons alive and inside of me.

Everything from this point on was such a hectic blur. People frantically moving around me. Tons of Drs and nurses coming in and out. Finally my legs were propped in the stirrups, my dear Jason on my left side and my Mom on my right side. It was time to push. I cannot even tell you how long I pushed I was so out of it. I remember feeling every little bit of my labor even though I was hooked up to a morphine pump. The Dr kept telling me to push the button to administer more pain meds into my system. I didn't want to. The least I could do was feel the pain. I did. I do not regret it, not for a minute. I felt him coming down the birth canal. I felt him come out. My little Logan. My nurse cleaned him off and dressed him and I got to hold him. I kissed his sweet little forehead and it was oh so warm with life. He then went into his grandmother's arms where, two hours later, he would pass away peacefully. It was then time for me to focus on getting Brody out. Again, I felt every little bit of him coming out and honestly it felt like he came down the birth canal sideways because he hurt A LOT more than Logan did. My poor Brody was so bruised from the induction meds. I would kiss him and feel his warmth as well and went straight to the arms of his Aunt Noelle. Jason couldn't look at them. He was so shaken and upset he fell to the floor. Our beautiful sons were alive this entire time.
I now was beyond exhausted at this point. The magnesium drains you of every ounce of energy that you have, it honestly is horrible stuff. I had to deliver the placentas. I tried. With everything in me. I just couldn't. I had to have a D&C. By the time I came to from my operation the boys had passed away. I woke up hazy but saw the most beautiful site my eyes have seen. My mother holding my sweet baby boys. A site that I will never forget for as long as my mind holds onto the memory.

I was wheeled back into L&D where I would hold my sons for the last time. I kissed their heads and by this time they were cold. There was no more life in their tiny bodies. Everyone held them for one final time and said their final goodbye to their nephews, grandsons and great-grandsons. Our room was filled with so much love it was unbelievable. The nurse took our boys away and then Jason and I began life ..... without our sons.

The story of Wyatt River:

This is the first time I have shared the story of our son Wyatt River. Our beautiful rainbow baby. Everything was going so well with the pregnancy. Starting from the very beginning when I became pregnant with him after a flawless frozen embryo transfer of our last two remaining embryos from our IVF back in September of 2008 (which results in the pregnancy of our twins). Yes, two embryos were put into my empty womb. I had some spotting during my two week wait after my transfer and before my official pregnancy test that had me incredibly worried. However, I could not wait until my pregnancy test so I bought some home pregnancy tests that beautifully showed ... I was pregnant. After such a huge loss of losing our twins, we were over the moon happy and ready to start this life of being pregnant again. This was in January 2010, a few weeks before our twins first birthday in heaven.

As I said, everything was going so well with this pregnancy. I barely had any morning sickness and he was growing big and strong. Of course this was before we found out he was a he. I had thought that he was actually a she to be honest. We scheduled the anatomy scan for May 4th, two days before my husbands birthday. We wanted to do something fun for the revealing of the sex so we decided to put the results in an envelope and take it to the cake shop the day of Jason's birthday and put the color cake on the inside with either blue for boy or pink for girl so that when Jason cut into his cake ... we would then know what we were having. It was incredibly hard waiting an extra two days to find out after my appointment at the ultrasound but it was so worth it. The look on his face and all of ours when the blue cake was revealed was beyond priceless .. something I will never forget as long as I live. We were having another boy. We started to buy more boy stuff, we bought a crib and a changing table, and we painted the nursery which never got painted when I was pregnant with the twins since I only made it to 22 weeks with them. We just knew deep down we were going to bring our baby home.

When I reached 22 weeks one day with this second pregnancy I embarked on the feeling of being the most pregnant I had ever been. Again, everything was going according to planned. That is until 22 weeks 4 days when I went into OB triage due to me having braxton hicks contractions and spotting. It was determined I had bacterial vaginosis two days prior and the medicine was making my cervix friable which was causing the spotting. This was on a Friday. I was told to take it easy for the rest of the weekend and stay on my meds for the BV. I did just that. On Sunday the 30th, I was feeling mild pain in my lower abdomen. I assumed it was just gas pains. Little did I know on the 28th when I was in the OB Triage it was the start of the end.

Jason and I spent Sunday the 30th being lazy around the house and getting ready for the following week. We decided to go get some ice cream. When I came home, as I said, I was feeling those pains in my lower region. I laid down on my left side think it was just gas and that it would pass. It seemed to go away. As the night progressed and we were getting ready for bed the pain returned. I was at my back door waiting for my dog to come in so we could go up to bed and I doubled over in pain. Again I thought it was just gas pain or possibly me on the verge of having a bad bout of diarrhea. I kept feeling the pain and it wouldn't go away. I went upstairs to talk to Jason and call my Mom to see what she wanted me to do. After we all agreed to call the OB on call I did just that. See my husband was in bed because he had to be up at work the next morning by 6am so I went downstairs so that he could sleep and not disrupt him. While on the phone with the OB I told her that I was doubled over with pain but it felt like gas. She told me to take some Tylenol to ease the pain and lay down and if it gets worse to come into OB triage. She said to feel my stomach and if it isn't getting hard when I feel the pain then that means that I am not in labor. I did tell her that it felt like I needed to go to the bathroom and have a bowel movement. I hung up the phone with her and tried to lay down in our guest bedroom.

I tried to sleep. I kept on tossing and turning because the pain did not go away. The pain kept making me have to go to the bathroom. I called my Mom and told her to come over so that she could take me into OB triage so that Jason could sleep. After I got off the phone with her I tossed and turned in the bed some more. I got up to go to the bathroom again and this time ... my water broke. I will never ever forget the sound of it. I screamed at the top of my lungs for Jason to come downstairs. My screams would haunt him for weeks afterwards. I told him to call 911. By this time ... I delivered our third son while I was on the toilet. Jason was still on the phone with 911. I had my phone in there with me and I called my mom and could barely get out the words that I delivered the baby and that she needs to hurry up and get here. I could feel myself bleeding. I looked in the toilet only once and could see his umbilical cord dangling from my body and into the toilet. I couldn't see him. I think at this point I was screaming. Jason told the 911 person that I had delivered the baby, she told him to get him out of the toilet. He just couldn't, he was on the verge of passing out. I told him to give me the phone so I could talk to her. I remember her asking me if I could get him out. I just couldn't, I could not look in the toilet of blood again or else I was going to pass out. By this time the ambulance had arrived and she told me she wishes me all the best.

My Mom arrived at my house the same time the ambulance did. The paramedics came right into my bathroom where I was. They were trying to keep me calm. I couldn't even move or talk I was so distraught. He kept asking me what time this all happened, how far along I was. I think I answered. I know my Mom answered some of the questions. They had to get him out of the toilet, I was leaning against one of the paramedics while the other lifted my son from the toilet, the cut his umbilical cord and I could hear my precious boy gasping for air. I will forever and always feel an enormous amount of guilt for not doing more for my baby boy. They immediately started to perform CPR on him and rushed him into the ambulance. It was now my turn to go. They got me onto a gurney that was in my hallway and out to the ambulance I went along side my son. I was shaking from losing so much blood. There were three men in the ambulance with us. Two were trying to keep my son alive and one was trying to help me and get an IV in me. I remember looking up and to my left and asking them if my boy was still alive. I remember them telling me he is such a fighter.

We finally arrived at the hospital. The baby was immediately taken to the NICU and Jason went to be with him, my Mom with me. I was taken to the ER where they gave me morphine for the pain and pitocin to help me deliver the placenta. I tried pushing as much as I could. All I could think about was my son in another part of the hospital. I asked my Mom who never left my side, to go check on the baby. One of the nurses told her to stay with me and she would go check on him for us. This is when Jason came into my room and then ... I knew, he was gone.

I didn't want to believe it. My Mom went over to talk to Jason and I heard her start sobbing. She then came over to me with tears in her eyes and I asked her, even though I knew he was gone, if he was ok. She grabbed my hand and started crying. I started screaming that this cannot be happening again, I did not just lose another baby. I could not believe it. I remember feeling the overwhelming thoughts of wanting to die so I could be with all of them. There was no way I could handle this again.

Losing the twins was earth shattering, losing Wyatt made my remaining world crumble at the very core of my being. Jason and I are somehow alive and breathing. How .. I do not know. I think the small amount of hope left in our hearts and the love for our sons keeps us going. We can still have children, we have to do IVF again as I was told yet again there is no permanent damage to me physically, mentally though, well, that's another story.