Story of HOPE

Story of HOPE

Tegan ~ Hiring for Hope

Mother of Melannah - 11/05/2005

and Acree Twins - 05/28/10

My husband and I have lost our 3 children to miscarriage during our third month.  In addition to our losses, I was a birth coach to my sister during my Nephew's stillbirth at 38 weeks gestation.  As a result of these experiences my husband and I created a national tax exempt public charity called Hiring for Hope.  We would have been lost without building our charity. It has had such an impact on so many lives and helped my sister and I to save our own.  

My inspiration for creating Hiring for Hope came from losing our three children, the loss of my Nephew, and receiving a grant from a pharmaceutical company when we were awarded a grant during our own family building journey.  We spent the last year building our organization along with 60 other volunteers.  I abandoned a high paying corporate job and exchanged it for no paycheck in order to build Hiring for Hope. I knew in an instant that building something to help other couples was what I wanted to do.

I never would have believed it possible, but after five years of fertility treatments and enduring the roller coaster ride of financial and pregnancy loss that goes along with building a family for some, my husband and I built this organization while parenting our two small children under the age of two.  We didn't get any sleep. There have been so many times when I thought I could not possibly go on.

While building Hiring for Hope, we were bombarded with roadblocks.  We endured a flood when our neighborhood was declared a "national disaster area" by FEMA, lost our precious twins, lost my 94 year old Grandmother, watched helplessly at my sister's side as my Nephew was stillborn at 38 weeks, survived a heart attack, and had our baby sitter "invade" our home and our finances while we were away.

All of our effort and dedication resulted in the creation of Hiring for Hope.  Our organization provides financial assistance, resources, and support for couples that have lost a child and/or are experiencing obstacles to building their families. We provide free services for job seekers in career transition. We fund all of our services by placing job seekers with employers. The following services are completely complimentary to all members:

1) Brave Little Soul Grant Program
2) Safe, secure, online support community for couples (Voice of Hope)
3) Brave Little Souls Memorial Beach Playground
4) Incentive Program - A way to use your networking skills and contacts to earn the money that you need to overcome your obstacles to building your family 

You can view more about Tegan's organization on You Tube  

and at Hiring for Hope

Story of HOPE

Anna ~ Angel Kisses

Scarlette Rose September 22, 2008

My daughter Scarlette was stillborn on September 22, 2008, at 19 weeks, as a result of a congenital heart defect as well as bronchial isomerism syndrome.  In January of 2009, I began a fundraiser to benefit the program at the local hospital where I delivered Scarlette, that assists families who are going through a loss.  This February will be our third year and going strong!   We are hoping to branch out to help more hospitals designate programs such as the Child Remembered Program at our hospital.

My healing process began in the hospital where Scarlette was delivered. When my angel arrived, my doctor cried, the nurse dressed her and took pictures and burial options were discussed.  I was able to hold her, love her, sing to her, look at her tiny fingers and toes, and be her mom until it was time to go.  The next three months were a flurry of anger, sadness, bitterness, and black.  I thought I would never smile again.

When I decided to do what would later be called "Angel Kisses" (for the snowflakes that touch your cheek, kisses from our angels) I had hope again and that was a gift sent straight from my daughter.  Being able to find something to keep my mind active, but my heart with Scarlette, was just what I needed.  The women that I met who had gone through having a child die were just the people I needed in my life.  There is no doubt that those connections were coordinated by our little ones to assist in our healing processes.  To be able to celebrate my daughter's short life has been a tremendous part of my healing process and I think, has brought me to a healthy place of grief.  I'm able to incorporate her into my everyday life in a positive way and for that, I'm grateful. 

A fundraiser was planned close to what would have been Scarlette's due date.  I thought that we as "Angel Parents" deserved to celebrate the little lives that had touched ours so deeply.  And it was just that- a celebration.  February 21, 2009, was a joyous occasion.  In a short 6 week time frame, we raised $6,500 for the Child Remembered Program at our local hospital, in the names of our children.  It was an amazing day to be a part of.   In 2010, Angel Kisses raised just under $20,000 for the creation of what we called a Bereavement Room.  The room is currently under construction at our local hospital, where we all delivered our babies.  The hope for this space is that it will be a sanctuary for families who are experiencing the loss of a child during delivery.  This is the artist's rendering of the room is pictured above.

The inspiration for Angel Kisses has rolled in like a storm.  I could see the need in the distance and could hear the thunder approaching from the moment I lost Scarlette.  I knew that it would forever be a part of my life, like any damage you build from.  You never forget where the new structure came from and I'm lucky to have had the opportunity to build such a beautiful thing based on such remarkable loss.  

From the day I decided that this must be, until now as I write, I'm sure that this was always Scarlette's reason for being a part of my life.  It's obvious to me everyday that there was someone special growing under my heart and her presence was a physical, spiritual and emotional inspiration.  I hear you all the time, baby.  Loud and clear.  

Angel Kisses is absolutely something I could never have foreseen as a possibility.  First of all, I'm hugely critical of myself and would never have thought to have taken on the daunting task of creating this fundraiser and soon-to-be organization.  I'm fanciful and full of ideas, but I've never been one to fully believe that I'm capable of success to this measure.  However, with my daughter's spirit at my side and the support of the most amazing moms, friends and family, there is nothing that isn't possible.  Beyond that, I've never seen myself in a role like this one.  I went to school to be a teacher, I've always worked for someone else and I've never thought of myself as someone to bring together a group as large as this to do something so incredible. 

I feel like the only thing that is different about me before Scarlette and me after Scarlette is the fact that she is now with me all the time and the inspiration for everything.  Without her tiny hands guiding mine, I never would have had the courage to do something like this.

There are roadblocks.  Having had the ups and downs of a new organization, led by a group of inspired, strong, opinionated women.  I have wondered if what we are doing is worth it, I have wondered if it was really what I was supposed to be doing, I have wondered if sacrificing time with my family was the best decision.  But as things progress, I realize that much of it is out of my hands and is being led by a higher power.   

To date, the most amazing story that I've heard started at last year's fundraiser.  My best friend Teresa and her husband Jason attended and bid on numerous items.  They happened to win a 4D ultrasound as they were trying to start a family at the time.  A month later, they announced their pregnancy. 

Teresa's pregnancy went by without circumstance.  At thirty weeks, she was debating using the 4D ultrasound they had won, or perhaps giving it to other friends of ours who hadn't been able find out the gender of their child.  She decided to use it and came straight to my house to show me pictures of her beautiful son right after.  In conversation, she casually mentioned that the technician had expressed concern at the possibility of seeing an issue with the baby's heart.  Having the experience that I had, I was adamant about Teresa following up with her regular doctor.  After extensive testing and ultrasounds, they did indeed find that there was a heart defect and a plan was made for the baby's birth and after care.   A few days after the defect was found, her husband sent me this note: 

"So I've been thinking about something for the last few days and I have a really hard time saying it out loud without breaking down, so here it is.  If she hadn't passed away, you wouldn't have gotten involved, we wouldn't have come to support you, and we would have never known that our guy needed help.  I want you to know that I'm thankful for Scarlette Rose and that her life has had an impact on us and our little guy."

To know that my little girl's life may have saved the life of another baby who I will know and love for the rest of his life- well, I don't have words for it.  I'm just grateful.

Teresa’s son Grayson was born on November 12th of this year and had open-heart surgery a week later.  His care has been amazing, he is doing very well, and his parents are well aware of how lucky they are to have him here.  He will always have a little angel named Scarlette looking out for him.  

There is no end to the ways that I have been blessed, touched and inspired by the ways that people have extended themselves since the day I said hello and goodbye to my Scarlette Rose.   From the donations that people offer, to the tears that have been wiped away, to the stories people have told me, to the very first day in the hospital when kind-hearted nurses looked at my baby lovingly rather than in disgust, I have been touched.  I hope that someday I will be able to do enough through Angel Kisses to repay the kindness and love I've been shown.

To learn more about this wonderful organization please visit Angel Kisses

Story of HOPE

Amy ~ Breast-milk Donation

Bryson ~ stillborn on October 30, 2010  

Joey Skylor ~ born into heaven in the end of December 2009.

Bryson unexpectedly passed on October 28th, 2010 and was stillborn on October 30th at 20 weeks due to complications from a lower urinary tract obstruction (LUTO).  Joey Skylor was born into heaven at 13 weeks in the end of December 2009, and was born on January 5th, 2010.

I am working through my grief by pumping and donating Bryson's breast-milk.  Even though I felt that I had lost everything, I still had something invaluable to give... Bryson’s “liquid gold” or breast milk and a chance at life for another sick infant.  This realization came about when I felt that through my heartbreak, I still had some purpose as Bryson’s Mommy (all thanks to my forever babies, Bryson and his previously past sibling, Joey Skylor). 

It is said that all life has a purpose, maybe the short lives of my angel babies were to inspire their Mommy, giving hope, courage, and the strength to save the life of someone else’s baby, though I could do nothing for my own.  

A woman who pumps breast milk is said to be 'expressing her milk'.  For me, donating Bryson’s breast milk is the only physical way to 'express my love' for my angel babies, to keep their memory alive and give meaning to their short lives, not only to me but to complete strangers as well.  The other invaluable benefit would be to prevent another family from feeling the deepest, most horrific despair ever imaginable… the loss of a precious child and all the hopes and dreams that went with that new little life.  

My inspiration stemmed from my desire for others, in addition to myself, to have an appreciation and remembrance for the short lives of my forever babies.  It was pretty loud and clear how I was going to help.  Not only did I get the message in my heart, but physically my body had already prepared for the job.  

Bryson and Joey Skylor gave me the hope, courage, and strength to be able to help others even in my time of heartbreak and sadness . . . what a comfort to be able to turn my personal tragedy into someone else's triumph.   After I lost Bryson at 20 weeks, the doctors didn't think I would produce milk.  When Bryson's milk did come it, it came on hard and strong and I didn't know what to do.  I was hurting horribly both physically and emotionally . . . this was supposed to happen when there is a baby to latch on not when my baby has gone.  

Pumping was emotionally hard at first but then it became therapeutic, almost like an obsession, to get as much as possible to save others from this pain.  Also, I loved the way his milk made me smell like a newborn... like he was here with me in a way.  

The external critics get in the way on occasion, wanting to know why I am holding on to this pregnancy symptom and how long I will continue.  Roadblocks have come in two forms... finding room in our deep freezer for storing the milk and trying to find some local family/families to donate our gift.  We are still on a search for the latter.  

My inspiration lies in my family (living and spiritual) and in the stories of women who have been able to find peace in their lives even though a piece of their lives is missing.  A sentiment that helps me get through the difficult days is:  

Until the glorious reunion with my forever babies, I intend to serve others in their time of need as much as I possibly can, with hopes that they will continue in 'paying it forward'.  We don't 'get over' our grief, we learn to live a new life.  We never forget our forever babies and always look forward to our glorious reunion... (unknown)

To read more about Amy's story you can visit Faces.

Story of HOPE

Stephanie Paige ~ Sweet Pea Project

Mother to Madeline Jonna, born January 5, 2007

My firstborn child, my beautiful daughter Madeline, was stillborn at 41 weeks on January 5, 2007.  A cause of death was never determined.  

I have founded a nonprofit organization, Sweet Pea Project, which offers comfort, support and gentle guidance to families who have experienced the death of a baby before, during or shortly after birth.  I have also written a book, Still: a collection of honest artwork & poetry from the heart of a grieving mother, and I am the artist behind the Beauty In The Breakdown community art project.  Working on these projects has helped me immeasurably.   Writing the book and creating artwork gave me a way to express all the unspeakable emotions that were coursing through my veins after Madeline's death.   And the Sweet Pea Project allows me to continue parenting Madeline by mothering her memory.   

Above all, reaching out to others parents brings me peace because I know just how lost and lonely one feels after suffering through such a profound loss.   After Madeline was born she was wrapped in a standard issue hospital blanket and handed to me.  I cradled her in my arms for hours in that blanket before kissing her cheek one last time and saying goodbye.  It was one of the few things in this world that touched her, and I wish so badly that someone would have thought to send that blanket home with me.  The Sweet Pea Project began as a blanket collection program in the hope that we could keep other mothers from experiencing that same regret.  

Everything I'm doing is something I never thought would be possible!  I've created a nonprofit organization out of nothing, had a book published, collected well over a thousand blankets.  I never would have dreamed I could do any of this, and I know the only reason any of it has been possible is because of the strength that Madeline left me.  Everything that I accomplish is because of her.  

Last month the Sweet Pea Project held our 1st Annual Balloon Release on October 15th.   A few weeks before the event I received an email from a woman who read about it in the newspaper.   She said she was looking forward to coming to the balloon release, that her son had been stillborn and she had never participated in anything in his honor before.  He would have turned 46 this year.   We emailed back and forth and she thanked me for the opportunity to get some of the grief off her chest.  I cannot imagine how heavy and suffocating it must have been to have lost a baby years ago, when society forced you to bare the weight of it all in silence.  I was honored to celebrate her son's short but precious life alongside her at the balloon release.  I am grateful that I have been able to speak honestly about my experience and I am humbled by the opportunity I have been given to encourage other mothers to speak out as well.

There are so many beautiful mothers out there working to make this world a more gentle place for bereaved families, and they are all constant sources of strength and inspiration.  When I was drowning in the ocean of my loss, it was other mothers like Kara LC Jone, Joanne Cacciatore and Sherokee Isle who reached out and pulled me aboard their little lifeboat.  I am honored to now be in the position to bring others on board.

To learn more about Stephanie's organization please visit the Sweet Pea Project

Story of HOPE

Michaela ~ Metal Stamped Memories

Carter July 22, 2008- Sep.17, 2008

I am a stay at home mom of three beautiful boys.  My second son, Carter, was born "normal" with no complications during the pregnancy.  At five weeks old we noticed a twitch in his eye and a little shake in his arm.  We took him in and after two weeks he was diagnosed with a one in a million condition called Ohtahara Syndrome.  This meant that Carter was having seizures, and a brainwave test showed a very rare pattern of high activity and then no activity, causing his brain to not carry out the signals it needed to for his body.  This was devastating news as children with Ohtahara rarely live past age 2, medicines do not control seizures for long, and in Carter's case the signals were not being sent out for him to breathe on his own.  

Carter was immediately put on a ventilator.  We knew that we did not want Carter to suffer with seizures for the rest of his short life, nor was being on a ventilator any way to live.  We made the most difficult decision to let him go to heaven.  

Two years later, we are still slowly adjusting to life without him.  We know he is in Jesus' arms, but we still miss him- and that hurt is unimagineable to someone who hasn't experienced it.  It is hard to live without him every day, and I know how it feels to feel lonely while the rest of the world goes on.  What keeps me going is knowing I will get to see Carter again someday, and also the love I have for my other boys.  

I recently started my own business to help other moms with their journey of loss.  I know how important it is to have something tangible to hang onto after you are left with empty arms.  I create memorial necklaces and other items for mothers who would like to wear something in memory of their own angels.  My website is www.metalstampedmemories.com  

This adventure has helped me connect with other moms and I am very grateful that I have been led to do this!

 To read more about Michaela's story please visit her Blog and 

Website: Metal Stamped Memories
You can read Michaela's story on Faces of Loss 

Story of HOPE

Sarah 

Elijah 09/18/08 

I have had several early miscarriages before and after the loss of Elijah.  As a result, I have dealt with my grief through blogging and writing.

Writing through the emotions of pregnancy loss has brought clarity and a realistic point of view to my healing process.  Going back and reading my posts makes me realize that the pain is really just a short time in my life.  I will always remember my babies, but the heart does heal.  

My inspiration came from my need to sort out my thoughts and emotions.  I felt alone in my mind.  There are so many things you feel and think during a pregnancy loss ~ it is overwhelming.  I wanted to reach other women who are lost and who feel they are alone.  I have encouraged several friends who have had a loss to start blogging . . . and they have!  I have been blogging for years, but after my last pregnancy loss I wrote about the process ~ something I hadn't done before.  Looking back, now I wish I would have wrote about all my losses before this one.  

I feel like some of my frequent readers get annoyed with me writing about pregnancy loss.  Sometimes I feel like I am "flaunting" my pain . . . I have to remind myself that the blog really is for me and not to worry about what other people think.   

I know that sharing my story openly has helped people.  For example, a childhood friend, whom I haven't seen or talked to in over a decade emailed me about one of my blogs. She had recently had a miscarriage... she expressed her gratitude for my honesty and ability to write about it.  She told me how no one she knows talks about her angel baby and she feels very much alone.  I asked my husband if men had opportunities to talk to other men about miscarriage... he said that it is just something they don't talk about, but wishes they did.  There are so many other men and women who never before speak about their pregnancy losses  ~ we need to break the silence!  

Something I find helpful is this inspirational quote:  “If I could hear Christ praying for me in the next room, I would not fear a million enemies. Yet distance makes no difference. He is praying for me." (Robert Murray M'Cheyne)

You can go here to read more about Sarah’s story

Story of HOPE

Susan ~ My Forever Child Keepsakes

Matthew Kristopher 

stillborn on July 27, 2002 at 38 weeks

My son, Matthew Kristopher, was stillborn at 38 weeks from a complete placental abruption.  The traumatic birth nearly took my life as well from the massive blood loss.  It took several months to recover physically, but much longer to heal emotionally, which is still an ongoing process.  The death of your child is such an utter devastation, I don’t think anyone can go back to “normal” and not be unchanged in some way. 

After the initial physical recovery and then starting to work on my emotional well being, my creative energy started to come back slowly.  I enrolled in a basic metalsmithing class at the local art school, something I had wanted to do for a long time.  I had been making jewelry for a few years, and even earned my Graduate Gemologist degree, but I was mainly self taught.  I never had time for formal training, but decided that I needed to do something to get my mind off my grief for a few hours once a week.  It turned out to be a great remedy.  Learning new skills and being with people who had enthusiasm reignited my interest for creative endeavors.  It prompted me to make a memorial website for my son, join online support groups and to speak at local support groups for newly bereaved parents.  We also planted a beautiful memorial garden at our house in honor of Matthew.

Over the next couple of years, I took many more jewelry classes to learn new techniques and to hone my skills.  During this time of healing my mind started racing as I thought up ways to make a difference in pregnancy and infant loss.  Surviving a near death experience made me think that maybe it happened for a purpose and I was supposed to do something with my life based on my journey.  It seemed like a natural progression to combine my passion for jewelry making with Child Loss.

When my father passed away after a seven year battle with brain and spinal cord cancer, it cut the emotional scars back open.  It was then that I realized that I couldn’t just forget about what I went through and “move on.”  My mission was forming, to create items of comfort for those touched by the loss of a child, raise awareness, and donate to charitable causes related to child loss.  Working towards a goal helped to keep me going, even at times when I wanted to throw in the towel.

I have had my website, My Forever Child since 2005.  I design and hand craft a majority of the jewelry, and I put a lot of thought into each piece.  Many of the pieces come with cards explaining the symbolic nature of the charms and meaning of the gemstones and birthstones used.  I also specialize in engraving the child’s actual handprint and footprint images into sterling silver and 14K gold jewelry.  It is a tremendous comfort to the parents, grandparents and siblings to wear these treasured keepsakes made from the child’s actual hand and foot prints.  It is like carrying a piece of their child with them at all times.  Parents also appreciate having their child’s name spoken and in print, it is a way to show that they are not forgotten.  For many people, wearing one of my handcrafted keepsakes is a tangible way to honor the child(ren) that is no longer with them physically, but alive within their hearts. 

My inner critic gets the best of me sometimes.  I battle with feelings of inadequacy and that what I’m doing isn’t enough in the grand scheme of things, or that my work isn’t “perfect."  I have to remind myself that there is no perfection on this earth, and that the pieces I make are with my human hands, but come from the best intentions within my heart.  I put a lot of time, effort and care into each piece because I know how important it is to the person receiving it.  Nothing will ever replace their child or take away their pain, but I love that my jewelry pieces can be a ray of sunshine in the darkest times of their lives.  Most people don’t realize that My Forever Child is a very small company, just my husband and myself.  He does the paperwork, bookkeeping, shipping labels, packing orders and some customer service.  I do everything else: hand stamping, engraving, polishing, assembling and packing orders, photography and editing, website maintenance, ordering inventory, blog and facebook posts, customer service, and the post office runs every day.  It’s a lot of work, very time consuming, and at times emotionally draining, but the ultimate reward is hearing the feedback from the customers and how my personalized jewelry has positively affected them.

I’m happy that I’ve been able to bless mourning families even if they do not purchase from my shop.  To date, I’ve donated over 1,000 of my Always In My Heart pins to hospitals and organizations that gift memory boxes to newly bereaved parents.  I know how hard it is to walk out of the hospital empty handed without your baby.  With my pins, they are able to wear an outward symbol of the child that is forever in their heart.  It is a small token of comfort during a time that is too painful to comprehend.

Since many of the visitors to my website are fresh in their grief, I try to provide resources to help them on their path of healing.  I have numerous poems, tips for friends and family on how to help the parents, online bereavement support resources, and free or low cost ways to memorialize their child, which are created by other bereaved moms.  Visitors can also post a memorial dedication in the calendar on my website or on my facebook wall.  It warms my heart when others write encouraging and comforting replies to those that have posted.  It really shows that we are a community and how compassionate people can be.  Throughout the year I sponsor free giveaways of my jewelry on my blog, Facebook page, and through other’s blogs.  I also donate money from my sales to charities for pregnancy-infant loss, children’s cancer, illnesses and other child advocacy organizations.  I absolutely love being able to bless others with the blessings I’ve received, it is one of the most rewarding parts of what I do.

It is through helping other bereaved families that I have found the greatest healing along my personal journey.  It makes me feel that the little boy I gave birth to made a lasting impact on the world he wasn’t able to live in. 

The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi is my favorite inspirational piece, and words I try to live by.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. 

Amen

***************GIVEAWAY****************

Susan at My Forever Child is hosting a December giveaway.  The first place winner will receive a sterling silver Custom Footprint heart shaped pendant, with their child’s actual footprint images.  The second place winner will receive a $50 gift certificate, and the third place winner will receive a $25 gift certificate to be used at My Forever Child.

To enter, visit the My Forever Child blog at:

http://www.myforeverchild.blogspot.com

facebook page:  http://www.facebook.com/myforeverchild

website: http://www.myforeverchild.com

Story of HOPE

Kristine ~ Cora's Story Inc. 

Cora Mae 11/30/09 to 12/06/2009

My daughter Cora died in my arms suddenly and unexpectedly, while breastfeeding, of a undetected congenital heart defect at five days old.  

I started Cora's Story Inc, a nonprofit geared to making sure no other mother finds out about congenital heart defects from the coroner.  I've also encouraged acts of good each month on the 30th with "Wear Pink for Cora."   

My inspiration came from Cora, and the love I felt for her.  Becoming a mother changed me forever.  Without my baby here, I needed a place to put all that extra love.   I do it all for her and try to silence the voice of my “inner critic.”   I daily do something I that I never though was possible ~ blog about my journey of grief and loss in order to help others.  I've read stories of people encouraged by Cora that are just amazing.   Spreading love, compassion and hope are what I live for now.  They're all I have.  I cling to them and can't imagine where I'd be without the opportunity to do a bit of good in Cora's name.  

A few weeks after Cora died I read a quote that is perfect and that I would like to share.  It basically said that if you're scared, it's okay, but to not stop, keep going and be scared at the same time.  I have doubts and fears all the time, but I try to remember that it's normal and just keep going.  

Cora has impacted and changed lives!  I've gotten emails that Cora's saved lives after mother's recognized the signs and symptoms after reading her story.  I am moved beyond words that her death has helped other babies live.  

I'm inspired by all the grieving mothers that lost their child before and after me.  Grief is such an awesomely powerful force, and grieving mothers are so strong.  We can do just about anything ~ change the world. 

You can read here about Cora's Story