Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Ebony

Mom to my Precious Stillborn Son - Aubren

June 2010

Salisbury, North Carolina

My pregnancy was unexpected BUT exciting and highly anticipated. I had no real complications other than the fact that I had high blood pressure going into the pregnancy. The first 4 months I did not need medication for my HBP at all but then at my 4month visit my dr. wanted to see me back because my bp was elevated. At this point she put my on a low dose bp med for pregnant women experiencing hbp. 

The medication managed my bp very well until month 8. My bp was staying elevated unless I was at rest and my feet and ankles were swelling after work. About 34.5 weeks I was placed on bed rest because of my bp. 

35 weeks exactly I had my baby shower and it was so nice and I was so happy. 35w 1day I went to labor/delivery at my dr.'s request to have a bp check and it was good. 35w 2days I had a regular check-up appt. and u/s; my precious baby boy was just fine, he even appeared to wave at me on the u/s. In hindsight I think he was waving goodbye:( 

35w 3days, I didnt feel that well that evening. My oldest child (daughter) and I put Aubren's playpen together and I was feeling increasing discomfort. I called labor/delivery and explained how I was feeling and the Dr. told me to come out because she thought that I might be dehydrated. Upon arrival I remember walking with my husband and thinking wow this baby might come sooner than we thought. He wasn't due until 7/24/2010 but due to my high bp my dr. was going to induce me at 37weeks. 

Once in the room and undressed the nurse began searching for Aubren's heartbeat....checking....and checking with no success. At one point she told me that she thought she had it but turns out it was mine that she was hearing. The doctor was paged and she came in and right before she started the u/s she turned to be and said "you know, Ebony it is never a good thing when you can't get a heatbeat on a baby this size" and I said I know and held me breath until she said words that I will never forget-- "I'm so sorry".....my precious baby boy was no longer living. 

I was induced in the morning at what would've been 35w4dys and I delivered him at 7:50 AM.  He weighed 5lbs7 1/2oz 18inch long. The rest is a blur but a hurt that I will never forget. I loved that baby so dearly and I still do. I was never able to hear his cry or coos but his kicks for 8 1/2 months were like music to my belly. 

June 2010 is bitter sweet because that was the last month my baby was a live and kicking in my womb and then he was delivered sleeping due to a cord accident; what was supposed to be his life line was what took him away from me.