Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Patricia

Mom of Two Angel Babies

Baby "A" Miscarried February 24th, 2010

Baby "L dot" Miscarried June 30th, 2010

Ontario, Canada

My Husband Josh and I were childhood sweethearts. We started dating when we were 19 and he proposed to me in April of 2008. We got married that winter in January of 2009. We decided to start trying in November of 2009. I immediately went off Birth Control pills that day. It took a couple of months but on February 20^th of 2010 my husband and I were thrilled to find out we were expecting. I immediately made my first appointment with the dr and she sent me for bloodwork. My beta levels came back the next day. They were only at 20. My dr said it could have been because I was either really early or that I could be having a miscarriage. Three days later my husband and I were out for breakfast when I knew something just wasn’t right. I excused myself to use the bathroom where I had noticed I was bleeding. My husband then took me to the ER where they confirmed that my beta levels had dropped to 17 and told me that I had indeed had a miscarriage. They told me to come back in a week if the bleeding continued. It stopped after 3 days.I was 6 weeks along.

Three months later in May of 2010 I had found out that I was pregnant again. This time I was more aware of what could happen although I didn’t want to think that way. I booked a dr’s appointment and was told that even under the circumstances they wouldn’t be able to see me for a week. I was in shock. Even after my previous miscarriage they wouldn’t send me for bloodwork or an ultrasound. At that point my mind started thinking the worst. The next few days were really uneventful. I wasn’t as sick as I knew I should have been or what I had heard others were so I still wasn’t completely convinced.

When I went to the doctors she sent me for bloodwork and an ultra sound. I never had any luck with Ultrasounds in the past so I wasn’t looking forward to it. After the Ultrasound Tech had me all prepped in the room she invited Josh to come in, then there it was.. the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life… my baby’s heartbeat. The tech printed off a picture and Josh and I got to take it home. At that point it started to feel real. I wanted to know the heart rate though because although there was a heartbeat I needed to know what the heartrate was. The Tech couldn’t tell me so I put in a call to my dr’s office.. The nurse at the dr’s call me three days later to say that the heart rate was 103 which was considered “on the low side of normal”. My heart sank. I knew this wasn’t going to be good. She scheduled an appointment for me to go see the dr in 4 weeks. Those were the longest four weeks of my life. I started feeling worse at this point. Foods made me sick. I was over the top tired all the time so I was getting hopeful.

I went in for my appointment on June 30^th. The Dr asked me how I was feeling and I said “fine” – that wasn’t a good enough answer as far as she was concerned she wanted me to feel awful. She sent me in for an ultrasound to ease both of our minds. The Tech came in and it began. She was silent. She left the room. Came back. Left again. Came back. I just knew it. I tried to look at the screen but I just couldn’t figure it out. I saw a baby but it wasn’t moving. The tech came in and said I could get dressed and to head back over to my dr’s office. I left and went right across the hall back to see my dr. She came in, sat down and I just looked at her and said “now what” she explained my options and I decided to Miscarry naturally.

On July 4^th the bleeding began. It lasted 2 weeks until I decided I should call my dr again because it was still very heavy and never ending. On July 14^th my dr saw me and immediately sent me to ER to have a D&C done. The on call surgeon wasn’t available to do it that night so he sent me home “on call”. He put an IV in my arm and sent me home to wait for his phone call and it could have been at any point. He called me at midnight and said to come in so they could take the IV out they weren’t going to be able to do the procedure until the 16^th.

I went in for my D&C on July 16^th at noon – the day before my birthday. It went well. When I got home. I had fallen asleep on the couch until suddenly I felt a huge gush of blood. I quickly ran up the stairs to use the bathroom and it wasn’t stopping. Blood just was pouring out of my body. I stopped bleeding 3 weeks later. I can only hope and pray that one day God will bless Josh and I with our own family. I thank God every day for Josh. He is my strength & my best friend.