Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Jan

Mom to Baby Smith, died on July 2nd, 2008 at 9 weeks

Angel Smith, died on September 24th, 2009 at 8 1/2 weeks, Carley's twin

Carley Noel Smith, died on November 20th, 2009 at 18 1/2 weeks

Scottsburg, VA

My big story is my twins. I found out I was pregnant with the twins on August 10, 2009 my 2nd wedding anniversary. We were so happy and I was SO SCARED. Because of losing the baby the year before. I waited till I was almost 11 weeks before I went to the Dr for my first appointment just because I was scared and wanted to allow enough time for them to grow and be sure we saw a heart beat. Well I was nervous so bad, and my mom went with me. I closed my eyes and ears until the ultrasound tech tap me on my leg and told me to open my eyes and see my baby. There she was just jumping all around in her sac. But I could also see off to the side there was another sac and there was no movement and not really a shape of a baby. Sure enough I had lost another baby. But they told me that the other twin would be fine I would go through "Vanishing Twin Syndrome" and the other baby should be good.

 Well I went for more checkups and I heard the heart beat with the ultrasound and then on my last appointment I heard her heart beat through the Doppler. I was so excited. But that weekend is where my world would come crashing down. I went on a shopping trip with my mom and best friend for the weekend for Christmas presents. On Sunday night I was laying on the sofa and got up to go to bed and had a gush of fluid come out. Then another I was starting to panic. I call the Dr on called and he said probably where the baby had pushed on my bladder and if it kept happening come in in the morning. So I went in and the sac of Twin A had ruptured and was leaking but Twin B was fine, she was jumping around like she was saying "mom I am fine see". SO they put me on bed rest and told me to come back in one week. So I did just that. And the night before I went to been checked I noticed I was leaking still just a little. Went in and sure enough her fluid had decreased a lot. They sent me to a more qualified high risk office and they did a more in-depth ultrasound and sure enough there was no fluid in my sac at all. That is when I found out I had a daughter. That was also the day they told me she wouldn't survive that was November 17, 2009 and Carley was taken on November 20, 2009.

I am not afraid to tell my story, I will talk about my children any time some one ask me. I am proud to be a mother of 3 beautiful Angels. I am a spiritual person and I know that my babies are in Heaven with Jesus and I will see them one day. I have also found out that I will not be able to carry any more babies myself. I was diagnosed in February 2010 without my inferior vena cava and I am unable to support blood supply coming from my lower part of my body and would not be able to support a baby either. I miss my Angels so much and as I come up on Carley and her Twins first year in heaven I want more and more people to hear my story to see if it can help them get through there own loss.

Jan blogs and can be contacted at  myangelsinheaven.blogspot.com