Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Lynda

Mom to Johnny Giovanni 

Stillborn on March 14, 2009

Phoenix, AZ

I found out I was pregnant on September 8, 2008. I was so delighted. In the past I had three early losses so when my pregnancy hit the 13 week mark I naively let out a sigh of relief, thinking I was past the part of pregnancy where I could lose my child. My pregnancy was rather normal for me, I had really bad morning sickness all the way through but baby was growing normally. At 25 weeks, on January 28th, we found out we were having a little boy! I began hunting and searching for the perfect name for my son. I found the name Giovanni and instantly fell in love with it. I decided then and there I would name my son Giovanni, but I didn’t have any other name picked out.



My entire pregnancy I kept feeling like something was off. I just couldn’t quite explain it and since everything kept checking out fine, I tried to brush it off but just couldn’t.

Baby Johnny was born on a Saturday, but the Wednesday before I started to feel off, like maybe I was getting the flu. Then the contractions started, which I had throughout the entire pregnancy. So I just kinda blew it off thinking nothing was wrong. However over the Thursday and Friday it got worse, until Saturday I just couldn't take it anymore and I HAD to go to the ER. I went thinking they were going to tell me I was fine and that there was nothing wrong and send me on my way. What a shock it was when they told me that my son was no more! I felt panicked as if I was stuck in a nightmare and couldnt wake up! Even thinking of that day now makes me sick to my stomach and my eyes well up with tears.

Children should NEVER die. But they do, and mine did. And everyday I kick myself for not going to the ER sooner, maybe they could have saved my son.

I opted out of getting an autopsy for my son, and just recently found out that my son had slight hydrops due to low fluid and that the majority of my placenta had failed. The doctors still have no answers as to why this happened.

Lynda blogs at http://johnnygiovanni.blogspot.com/