Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Cassie

Mom to Sophia Rene

Died March 11th, 2008 and was born with her surviving twin sister, Mya, on June 30th, 2008

Monrovia, CA

Every one of us has a story. Mine is that I am a mother of twins, Sophia Rene (twin A) and Mya Quinn (twin B).

On November 21, 2008 I could not sleep. I got up and took a pregnancy test and there it was “PREGNANT.” I quickly woke up my husband Eddie to show him. We were so excited. I already had a doctors appointment that morning for my flu shot and I had my doctor confirm we were indeed pregnant. That night we told our parents. The following day we hosted 45 family members at our home for Thanksgiving, and how thankful we were that day.

Two weeks later on Monday, December 3, 2007 we found our one little bundle of joy was actually bundles of joy. Then the news was out we were having twins. We had a happy and joyous Christmas with all of our family telling us how next Christmas we will have our two new additions with us. At my next doctors appointment Eddie was able to join me. When he saw those to little people moving he was so happy. I will never forget his face. Our doctor referred us to a specialist since we were considered “high risk”, she did not prepare us for what was to come.

January 16th, 2008 will be the day I will never forget. We found out our twin A was a girl and that she was sick. She was diagnosed with Hydrops and Turners Syndrome. We were told that she would most likely not make it another 2 weeks. Eddie did the best he could to ask all the questions for us as I just sat there crying. In a matter of 15 minutes we went from the happy couple that was expecting twins, to being the couple leaving the office in tears.

Two weeks later we went back prepared for the worse. We walked into that office together, I held it together as much as possible. We were called in and the doctor told us twin A is still alive and the doctor really seemed surprised. We did not really care for that doctors bedside manner and promptly changed specialists. We were referred to another doctor who spent about twice as much time as the other one had in two visits combined. He confirmed that both of our children were girls. We had already named twin A, Sophia Rene. He also told us Sophia was getting worse. He still wanted us to get a third opinion.

After being referred to the head of Perinatology at UCLA we were given options. We choose to see how long Sophia would hang on. Every mother always has that hope that there was some kind of mistake. Her child is fine. You can’t give up hope on your child.

The morning of March 11th, 2008 I was on my way to work. As I sat in Los Angeles traffic listening to my favorite music with my hand on my stomach feeling both of my little girls kicking away thinking that I was going to get to see them that afternoon when I went for another appointment. Before I left work my boss Paul asked me if I thought Sophia was still alive. I told him yes, she was I just felt her dancing away that morning.

I walked into the doctors office knowing that Sophia was still with us. The doctor walked in and started the ultrasound. Like every mother that has heard those words, I will never forget: “I am sorry there is no heartbeat on twin A”. I just looked at the screen with a blank face, I did not know what to say or do. My sweet Sophia was gone.

I did what I thought was best. I got up, went to work and kept my mind off of things. I still had to finish my pregnancy. The hardest thing I have ever done was juggle such happiness with such sorrow.

Sophia and Mya were born on June 30th, 2008 at 8:16 pm.

I feel so blessed and honored to be the mother of two precious girls, Sophia and Mya. I feel that I am so lucky to have Mya here with me. In May 2010 I started Walk to Remember, Los Angeles for Sophia. People ask me why I wanted to start WTRLA and tell them I am so blessed to have Mya in my life, and I am so blessed to be Sophia’s mother, this is the least I can do for her.

Cassie is the founder of a Walk to Remember, LA: http://walktorememberla.org

You can contact her at cassie@walktorememberla.org