Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Lynn

Suffered First Trimester Loss

May 25th, 2010

Olive Branch, Mississippi

My Husband and I have been together since January 2003, and we married on November 30,2005. We decided that we wanted children from day one. I knew that there would be some obstacles, like the fact that I have PCOS. 

We started trying in 2005 to get pregnant with no luck. My friends were getting pregnant with no problems, and I would try to be happy for them, but you couldnt halp but to be a little envious. But I was in for a big surprise in 2010. I had started keeping up with my periods, and so when I would start, I would count 30 days from that date and I would usually start within a couple of days of that date. My last period before the pregnancy was March 17,2010. I had April 16,2010 circled on the calender. When I didn't get my period immediately, I really didn'y put a whole lot of thought into it. Then around April 21, my breasts had become tender, and I was trying not to entertain the thought, because I didn't want the dissappointment. 

But on April 23, 2010, with no period and sore breasts, I took a test. I couldn't beleive it, I was pregnant! I sent pictures by phone to everyone I knew to make sure I wasn't seeing things.Then I got pregnancy test happy and took three more, all positive. On May 4th my pregancy was confirmed by my ob, but with there being too much sugar in my urine, I was put into the hospital. She said that they would do an ultrasound to check the baby. I was so excited about seeing the baby. So when the tech was doing the ultrasound, I asked if I could see, and her reply was that there was not much to see. My heart sunk. They said that the only thing they could see was a thickening of the endometrium . Which was the first sign of pregnancy. 

So every morning while I was in the hospital they would come in and draw blood for HCG monitoring. My levels were rising, but not as they should. A couple of weeks later they were able to pick up my sac, but no baby. Everytime I left the office, I would leave in tears. Was this a joke? Finally my ob said that my pregnancy was abnormal, and she was thinking I had a tubal pregnancy, even though I had no physical signs. 

My ob sheduled me for lapriscopic surgery on May 25th to check for a tubal pregnancy and a D&C would follow. I had one last ultrasound on May 24th, and more blood work, which by now my HCG had started dropping, she said my body was getting ready to expel the contents. 

I went in for surgery on the morning of May 25th, feeling alone, cold, and depressed, even though my husband was there. I left the hospital feeling the normal grogginess, and empty. Why had this happened to me? My baby would have been due December 22,2010. So Christmas was depressing for me. Now I'm wondering how long will it take me to get pregnant again, and at the same time scared.