Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Jannie

Mom to Ashley Jane, June 1998

Janna Lashe, July 2000

and Colin Matthew, died May 30th, 2007, born June 2007

Pelham, AL

I had no idea that I was pregnant until I had miscarried. 

I was at work and felt this sharp pain.  I really did not think anything about it so I went to restroom and there was a tiny baby. I got a friend to come and get me and take me to the hospital, there they said that from what they could tell I was in the first six weeks of my pregnancy and sent me home without doing anything more. My regular doctor told me the next day that he would attribute the miscarriage to the negative pregnancy tests. He told me that it would be in my best interest not to ever try to have another baby. He put me on the pill to help with the endometriosis. 

Two years later, without trying to get pregnant, I ended up pregnant once again, still every test I took was negative. I miscarried without even knowing that I was pregnant. By the time was first diagnosed at 12 with endometriosis and the doctor told my mother that I would never get pregnant let alone carry a pregnancy to term, I had already convinced myself that I did not want to go through the pain of getting pregnant and miscarrying, I had told everyone that I did not want children, all the while hoping and praying that God would bless me with at least one. 

After my second miscarriage, I just accepted the fact that I would never be able to have a child and carry it to term. Then I got pregnant a third time, this time I found out early on that I was pregnant. Knowing what my previous pregnancies had done, I tried not to get excited about this one until I was in my second trimester. But then I started hurting really bad and my husband took me to the hospital where they done an ultrasound and the tech discovered that I had blood coming from my sac. The ER Doctor sent me home saying that the baby was fine and that I was fine. Needless to say I contacted my insurance to let them know about this visit and what had been said and done. A few days later my regular OB discovered that my baby had passed away. I was 5 months pregnant with this baby, so the doctors decided that since my body would not spontaneously deliver Collin that they would put me into labor. I was in labor 13 hours. The pathologist said that my unbilical cord had exploded, is the way he put it to me, and that it did not help matters for me to have high blood pressure, endometriosis and hyperplasia. I had no idea that I had high blood pressure. 

Given the fact that I have had three miscarriages already and knowing that my body probably would not be able to withstand another pregnancy, I just wished that the doctors would go ahead and remove everything. Now that the doctors are keeping a closer eye on my endometriosis and hyperplasia they have discovered that I also have cervical cancer. So even trying to concieve ever again would be nearly impossible. I want a big family but given my history of miscarriages, I don't think that it will be possible for me to carry a baby. Three miscarriages, two girls and one boy from what the drs have said, my three little angels are God's gift. There is always hope though. 

You can contact Jannie at jj09071976@yahoo.com