Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Amanda

Mom to Moriah Pearl

Born and passed on December 3rd, 2010 at 21 weeks

and an Ectopic Pregnancy

Hampton, Virginia

I am a wife, sister, daughter, and an amazing friend. I am married to the love of my life Aaron, we have been together for two years. We were married November 15, 2008 after a whirlwind long distance relationship. We grew up and graduated together but were just good friends. Fate had it that I would text him one day 3 years after last seeing him, 9 months later we wed. God has blessed me with the opportunity to wed my best friend. We knew immediately we wanted to start a family but I was nervous as I had PCOS which is a condition effecting the ovaries...

(Fertility and ectopic)

I had no idea our journey would be so difficult~

After a year of trying the all natural way and I had only one menstrual cycle I began to realize that is pretty vital in making a Baby Poplin! Don't get me wrong ladies would die to have that be the norm for them, however it scared me. I also began to worry as I was off my Nuvra Ring for a year and that meant a possible complication. I was put on it in 2007 due to a cyst rupturing on my ovary. Would this happen again? We wanted a baby and I wanted to be safe so I sought help.

After my husband's test came back good on his end, my OBGYN and Fertility Specialist put me on Clomid 50 mg and Metformin 1000mg (daily) in March 2010. I conceived first cycle we were so excited, however April 20, 2010 while my hubby was out to sea I was rushed into surgery alone to have the baby removed at 5 weeks. Baby was in my right tube. I had anger, resentment, and constantly questioned God's judgement. We took three months to recover and I seemed well in June and started cycle 2. It was unsuccessful and I was shocked. First time took, ugh... not this time. :shock:

(Moriah Pearl)
Cycle three of Clomid in July was successful! August 9, 2010 I received my first positive pregnancy test, yet we knew this didn't mean much until we knew baby was safe and in the right spot! It was torture, every other day for 20 days I was asked to come in for an hcg level test to make sure the numbers were climbing and baby was not in my tube. August 23, 2010 we saw baby in the uterus! 6 weeks pregnant and saw the heartbeat. We were elated!

September 17 we saw baby almost 10 weeks old growing well!

The pregnancy was amazing, each U/S came back with Moriah growing well and I couldn't have been happier. She even helped my blood pressure go down to the point I didn't need meds, as well as gave me an energy and excitement I had never felt before. November 29, 2010 I and my hubby, and my babys God-Mother went the 4D ultrasound to find out whether baby was a boy or girl. At around 5:30pm that evening we found out baby was a girl! Moriah Pearl Poplin, if baby had been a boy it would have been Liam Thomas Poplin. I and Tosha were so very happy as was daddy. However I knew he was hoping for his little boy. Around 8pm that night as we settled in back home, I needed to use the restroom. Everything was normal, I was feeling good but as I was sitting on the toliet I felt a "full-tampon" feeling that made my heart jump out of my throat. I felt no pain, nothing that made me physically worry. But as I reached down to touch myself I felt a water balloon slightly sticking out of me. I screamed, my hubby came running, and he felt it too.

He then called 911. All the while he talked to them I held my hand over the balloon to hold it in, I just had this urge to keep slight pressure with my hand. I began to cry as I felt her feet kicking my hand through the sac. Quickly I began to suck it up as I realized my crying was making the sac move further and further out as I cried. It must have been God as Tosha came to our apartment as we left our cell phones at her place after the U/S- he is an LPN as well as my best friend and her God-Mom. She coached me through. Took over holding pressure as I sat on the toilet watching for the ambulance. They came and I walked over to the stretcher while Tosha held the sac in place. All the while I felt no pain, we got to the hospital. My OB came in and gave meds to stop contractions. The U/S showed the sac intact and her doing just fine! They put my legs up over my head (head hitting the headboard) and there I requested to stay as long as I could- our goal was Christmas day at least- her 25 week point. But five days was all that I could keep her in.

That day started off really well with no contractions and small bleeding. I was able to use the restroom a lot and my tummy began to feel better. Round 1 pm I began to get a headache that became unbearable, I had to have anti-nausea for I felt like vomiting. The medicine given hardly touched it. Mid afternoon I and my nurses noticed an increase in my bleeding to a point of massive concern. Despite this I had made so much progress they moved me from Labor and Delivery to a more permenant more comfy home room. But after the move and transfer to the new bed, an hour later I had horrible contractions and pressure below. I knew something was wrong, was it all the restroom trips to the bedpan or the slight adjustment to the new bed? Doctor rushed in with the ultrasound machine to find it was neither any of those things but a slow leak of amniotic fluid as the U/S showed Moriah's sac almost empty and her legs and feet in my birth canal already causing my labor. Around 8 pm I had to have the nurse call the doctor in and after two doses (my max) of staydol and anti-nausea it still wasn't touching my pain. I was sure that this was it, and it was. Everyone around me didn't want to believe me and had so much hope and I felt so bad as I knew what my body was telling me and I had accepted that baby had moved down and it felt like pushing. They rolled me back to Labor and Delivery and there I began the labor process, Aaron was a lot of help but I could see the fear inside. Tosha (her God- Mom) arrived helping me breathe as JAN was when my classes were. I was clueless. Boy oh boy, it stunk. I began after about 40 minutes of strong labor asking for the epidural kinda feel dumb as baby was so small but I was so sad about everything I wanted to be comfortable as possible too. The guy got the tube in but not the drugs as Moriah came out right before hand, I was able to make through before the epi. I was in shock, she was here- long before ready. All the pushing and pain, and now she was here. I was scared, I looked at Aaron and saw the happiness yet the words "she's so small" then sadness and tears. I wanted to see her right away. She was so amazingly beautiful and so stinking tiny. I was so happy but was told by NICU there was nothing and I knew that before them telling me, she was the size of my hand. She was alive and pink, moving and kicking smaking her mouth in my arms for over 40 mintues. I cried, was in awe of her, and loved her more then life. She began to grow colder and colder then ceased to move. So they took her to the morgue where we later found a local funeral home for we had decided to cremate her as Virginia is not our home and we had a vacation planned back to Washington Dec 29 that we now found more then necessary to keep. We bought a pretty little urn for her and her ashes I'm sprinkling some in Daddy's own made waterfall in the backyard in Tumwater, WA where our Engagement Photos were taken. The rest to be kept at home in her own room.

RIP Moriah Pearl Poplin.

Daddy and I love and miss you already.

I will always remember kissing you goodbye. XOXO

"I will never forget the priveledge I received to watch that beautful life enter this world and be there to watch her join my Jesus - many parents never recieve that joy and pain"

Moriah Pearl Poplin
Born: 12/3/10 at 855pm

Passed on: 12/3/10 at 9:37

21 weeks old to the day
PSALMS 34:19

Amanda Blogs at

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Moriah-Pearl-Poplin/115816715150203 (click the notes tab for story)

You can contact her at tennantamanda@yahoo.com