Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Keona

Mom to Noah (preemie), Born at 34 weeks on January 5th, 2009

Sweet Pea, due July 25th, 2010, Lost December 24th, 2009 

and Baby Bean, due December 1st, 2010, Lost April 19th, 2010

Topeka, Kansas

At 18 years old, I was told it would be hard for me to conceive. I have PCOS and needed medication. 

In March of 2008 I had a chemical pregnancy. My fiance Aaron and I knew we wanted a family and we couldn't wait, it might be too late already. So, we started "trying". Of course that's when we thought all we had to do was, well, each other. Thankfully it worked out that way our first time trying. 

On July 7th I took a home pregnancy test and the second line showed up before I even stood up. It was a miracle, our miracle. January 4, 2009 we knew something was wrong. Two days prior, I had been given shots to stop labor and Noah had dropped. I had a severe bladder/kidney infection and we didn't know. It broke my water and he was born on my late grandfathers birthday, January 5. He fought the 13 days he was in the NICU. I was sent home after being cut twice, stitched and iced. I focused on him 24/7 and still do. 

November 9th that second line showed up again. We hadn't been preventing so we weren't too surprised. We were suprised, however, when I started spotting 2 weeks later. My betas hardly rose, my ultrasounds dated me behind (and no, my dates weren't wrong) and we knew how it would end. The day before Christmas Eve, it was confirmed. My baby had a heartbeat not more than 3 days before, but today, it was gone. I emptied my bladder before my internal ultrasound and the clots started. The screen proved it. We then knew our original plan needed to change. We decided to start trying again as soon as possible. 

That would be March. Until then, I read books, joined groups and made friends. Again, there was that line. Three days later, there was the blood. Heavy bleeding continued for 3 weeks. My betas hardly went up and my progesterone dropped. We went in, there was our baby. They measured right on track. Then, there was a heartbeat. I still bled but I saw my baby moving. My little Sweet Pea was fighting. The fight ended on April 19th when the bleeding stopped and tissue came out. Then the bleeding picked back up. It's like my body wanted to make sure I knew what it was. I did. April 19th was the anniversary of my late grandfathers death. 

Now I sit here, with secondary infertility and hoping that I will have answers when we start trying again. Until then, I try to help others who have had losses and who are trying. I want to let them know, they're not alone.

Keona blogs at NoahsArkCreations@blogspot.com

You can contact her at Keona.hunter@yahoo.com