Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Danielle

Mom to Baby Miscarried July 3rd, 2003

and Baby Lost in the 2nd Trimester on October 9th, 2005

I am writing about my losses in hopes that I may find some sort of closure. I have the most difficulty with my second trimester loss. It has been nearly 5 years since that day, and I still don’t like to talk about it. Here goes…..

July 2003 – My husband and I hadn’t been trying to get pregnant but we weren’t exactly preventing it either. I took a test on 7/2/03 and to my surprise it was positive. I can remember sitting at my mom’s and as I was telling her my good news, I felt a cramp. I went to the restroom and saw that I was bleeding pretty badly. Since it was my 1^st pregnancy and I was young, I figured that I had just miscarried and left it at that. I bled for a week or so. I cried when no one was around. I kept hearing…you are young….no worries it will happen….maybe it was for the best. I can’t imagine how that is true but sometimes people don’t know what to say so they just say the wrong thing.  We went on with life and in December found out we were pregnant again. Abram was born in August, he is a wonderful child.

July 2005 – I notice that I am nauseous all the time and my period was late so I take a test and it was positive. Honestly I was scared, I had an 11 month old and we weren’t quite ready for another baby. As time went on we were growing excited about having another baby. I had morning sickness from week 6 until week 9, I just assumed that maybe this baby was a girl and that was why the sickness ended so quickly. My husband had changed jobs so we had to wait until October for his insurance to kick in. My 1^st appt was October 17^th. On October 8^th, Abram and I went to visit a friend, we went to the zoo, went shopping. I over did it big time. Before I went to bed I noticed some brown blood after going to the bathroom. I wasn’t too freaked out because it happened with Abram. Went to bed and the next morning I noticed that it was still happening. I was also feeling cramps and pressure but knew I had to get home for my nephew’s b-day party. I drove home, called my husband and told him what was going on. I picked up lunch and then we headed to the b-day party. At the party the cramping got worse and I had begun to bleed more heavily. I called the ER and they told me that I should come in to be checked. We did that and the on call doctor said everything looked fine. What bugged me is that they never tried to find the heartbeat with the Doppler. They were lazy about the situation in my opinion. We picked Abram up and went by to grab something to eat. As soon as I sat down to eat, my water broke. I called the ER and they told me since I was only 16 week that there was nothing they could do for me. I should call back after the miscarriage and if I should pass out or start to hemorrhage to come in immediately. The actual birth of our baby is a blur to me. I labored just as I had with Abram. After what seemed like an eternity I gave birth to my baby on a towel in the bathroom. I wrapped the baby in a towel and went out to tell my husband. As soon as I walked into our bedroom to tell him I passed out. He took me to the ER. I ended up staying the night in ICU. They ran tests on the baby, turns out the baby had died at about 9 weeks. They could not find anything wrong, which is a crock because I mainly remember passing tissue, nothing that resembled a fetus.

We decided that we were done having children after that. I prayed that my husband would change his mind and try again. On January 13, 2010, I gave birth to our rainbow baby. He is absolutely the light of my life. Finally Abram has his little brother that he so much deserved.

You can contact Danielle at hammer.dani@yahoo.com