Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Maisie

Mom to Aaden Dean

Born still on July 7th, 2009

Logansport, Indiana

I had just turned 16 when I found out I was pregnant. I was scared I wouldn't be a good mom because I was so young.  I was scared I wouldn't be able to give him everything he needed, but as lucky as I am I had a wonderful set of parents who said they were ready to help raise my sweet baby boy Aaden Dean.  

 

My mom had me at 16 and graduated high school so there really wasn't an excuse of why I couldn't do it. Two months after I found out I was pregnant I dropped out and got a job answering phones at a cab office. My way older boyfriend at the time also worked there.  I believed we were going to be a happy family. I was so wrong.  He was verbally abusive, and made me feel so bad about myself . He would tell me I was going to be a bad mom, and made me believe I couldn't raise this baby with out him. 

 

Still to this day I wish I would have listened to my mother who begged me to dump him. I was stressed out my whole pregnancy and struggled with high blood pressure. I ate all the time and gained almost 90 pounds during my pregnancy. I can't blame his father for me being so stressed out because I should have just left the stressful situation. Looking back on it now though he was an adult dating a child, and it makes me sick. 

 

When I was 37 weeks pregnant I went in for a normal doctors appointment and found out my baby boy had no heart beat. I will never forget that day, I held on to my belly and couldn't do anything but cry. I felt like it was my fault for so long.  

 

July 7th 2009 he was born. He would be over a year old now and not a day goes by I dont love and miss my angel. There was no cause of death which made it even harder to deal with not having a reason why it happend to my baby. 

 

Maisie can be contacted at snaymaisie@yahoo.com