Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Jamie

Mom to Angel Baby

Miscarried on August 4, 2010 at 8 weeks

Canton, Georgia

I am the face of miscarriage. I am Jamie. I conceived in June 2010 and miscarried my Angel Baby August 4, 2010. I was 8 weeks along.

I'm a high school English teacher in Canton, Georgia, speech team coach, mother to a 3.5 year old girl named Beth, and married to the most caring, understanding, giving man alive! Praise the Lord, I was saved the summer before my senior year in high school. I've been growing in the Lord since then; however, He rocked my world on August 4th of this year when I saw on an ultrasound that our baby, that was supposed to be 8 weeks, was only measuring 6 weeks. Also that day, the heart I had seen beating on my birthday just a week before had stopped beating...

Let me back up a little. My husband and I always knew we wanted 2 children, knew (and still know) that God had that plan for us. We started praying when Beth was 3 as to when we should start on baby number 2 - then one morning in my quiet time, my girl awoke and caught me praying. :-) She knelt beside me and said, "Watcha doing mommy?" I replied, "Praying." She paused, thought about that, then commanded, "Well, pray!" So with her kneeling beside me I started to pray that we would be good and Jesus would be pleased with us... then my child breaks in and says, "Jesus, please give my mommy a baby!" Well, needless to say, we had our answer. We started to try to conceive...

In July, we saw a positive pregnancy test! On my birthday, July 26, we went in for the first ultrasound at 7 weeks and knew something was wrong... we could see a heartbeat, a sac, but not much else. The doctor asked if my timing could be off... if maybe I wasn't as far along as I had thought... However, I knew my timing wasn't off. She took some blood, and we started the wait and see game.

The blood revealed that I had low progesterone, so she put me on prometrium. Everything I read online said prometrium prescribed during the 7th week was more like a last ditch effort to save a miscarriage - and it rarely worked. I was so worried, but I hung on to every shred of hope I could find! However, as stated above, on Wednesday, Aug. 4th, via ultrasound, we saw the baby had developed some more, but there was no heartbeat. I had started spotting, cramping some, and the very next day I had my miscarriage.

The bleeding was awful! I had taught school that day, in immense pain! TheTylenol was taking the edge off though. However, when I got home from work, sat down on the toilet, a lot of blood and clots fell from me... I knew it was the baby. Oh, the horror! I cried, tried to compose myself cause my daughter was home, called the doctor, and she had me come in for an ultrasound to confirm the miscarriage. The ultrasound showed that everything was on it's way out... no more baby... nothing... The D and C we had scheduled for tomorrow was canceled. My body, my God, had taken care of what He had started.

I would just love to know why - even though I know I'll never really know in this life. I'm hoping to draw some comfort from His holy word. Life after the miscarriage has been tough. Two days after it, I caught a stomach virus, then I got dehydrated, and then when I tried to return to work after being out for so long, I had a panic attack before school had even started - dizziness and light headedness. It's only now that I can say physically, I'm getting back to my old self... emotionally, getting better.

I'm different. We're different. We'll never be the same. I miss my baby. We memorialized him/her by buying a special box we put the ultrasound pictures in. We had it engraved, "God Bless our Little Angel - August 4, 2010." I also have purchased a forget-me-not necklace in the baby's memory. These things give me comfort in those few moments I have where I still need to cry. I don't know when we'll try to conceive again, but I do know that a new baby will never replace the one we lost.

Jamie blogs at http://www.forget-me-notohlord.blogspot.com/

You can contact her at mrsnice777@hotmail.com