Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Deanna

Mom to River Daniel April 30, 2009-May 6, 2009

Milltown, Wisconsin 
 

Our first born son, River was born April 30, 2009 and passed away May 6, 2009.

The pregnancy was completely normal, despite the fact that I fractured a bone in my foot and was on ordered bed rest for 3 months so it could heal. This was to avoid surgery during pregnancy or after he was born. 

 

I began having contractions 3 days before our due date, with active labor beginning the next day. It was fairly normal, except I was dilated to almost 8 and my water hadn't broke yet, so the doctor asked if I wanted to wait and let it break on its own or if I wanted her to break it. As there was no concern for River's health, she said it was up to me. The pressure was becoming unbearable and I told her to break it. 

 

After an hour and a half of pushing, River was born, with the umbilical cord around his neck twice and the Dr unwrapped the cord very fast, but he was not responsive. His APGAR score was very low (at this point I don't even remember what it was), I just remember thinking that he had to be OK. My husband cut the cord quickly and the doctor and nurse whisked him off to get him breathing again.

They it did fast, even though it felt like eternity, we heard him cry! The next day he began to develop jaundice so we were in the hospital until day three, then were home with the "bili-blanket" (aka glow lights) until day five with everything going normal. 

 

We had his one week check up on day five and our Dr said everything was perfect. The jaundice had lowered to a safe level and he was gaining weight. 

 

On day six we woke up to find his color off. My husband immediately grabbed him and tried to wake him, then checking to see if he had anything in his mouth, which we knew he didn't, but were following the CPR rules, then I started CPR with 911 on the phone. The EMTs arrived within minutes and took him by ambulance to the ER. 

 

When we arrived there they told us he didn't make it. I, looking back, already knew he was gone before they even left our house, I could feel it. Although the entire way to the hospital I was praying I was wrong. The ER doctor as well as the medical examiner told us it was most likely SIDS as they could see no other apparent reason. We didn't know that it was SIDS for sure until our autopsy came back which wasn't for four weeks or more, I really can't even remember. When the medical examiner called, they said "we looked and looked to try and find a reason, as you know there was no disease or trauma." What??? SIDS is what they classify a babies death as when they can find no other cause. It is the reason, when there isn't one. 
 

We have another baby boy now, Asher, who is 6 months old and is helping us grieve and we are teaching him about his big brother. River was here for such a short time but has impacted us tremendously. He will be carried with us every moment of every day.

Deanna can be contacted at riverdaniel.foreverourangel@gmail.com