Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Laura

Mom to McKenzie Lee 

Born still on May 15, 2009

Manteca, CA

When my daughter was just 6months old my husband and I found out that we were expecting again. We were excited and scared all at the same time. I had a really easy and un-complicated pregnancy. I was never really sick and felt pretty good the entire time.

Late Thursday night (5/14/09) I was at home and I couldn't stop throwing up and I was in pain, not intense pain but what I firmly believe were contractions. I waited a little bit but the pain got much worse and it was all the way into my back and I still couldn't stop throwing up. So at midnight I had Phillip take me to the ER because I needed to be seen. Well at the hospital they take you right back to labor and delivery if you are over 20 weeks, so there I went. The made me change into a gown and give a urine sample, I could barely even pee. The hooked me up to all the monitors to see if i was contracting and to monitor McKenzie's heart beat. My blood pressure was 151/101. When they got the lab results my urine showed that i was extremely dehydrated so they gave me an IV for fluid and a shot of zofran to make me stop throwing up. After 2 bags of fluid I still didn't have to pee but McKenzie still had a nice strong heartbeat of 145 and they weren't picking up any contractions so they sent me home and told me to rest and drink lots of water.

Walking back to the truck I still didn't feel right and my body was very achy, I of course figured it was from being dehydrated and really thought nothing about it. Phillip and I got home around 5am, after being released at 4:30am, and I was in so much pain again, only worse. I got into the house and I couldn't make it out of the living room. Phillip's mom woke up and I was bawling because I was in so much pain. I started to feel sick again and she got a blanket and laid it on the floor for me to throw up on since I couldn't move. By that time Phillip was already on the phone with 911. I started to feel dizzy and felt like i was going to pass out, I was having chest pains and started pouring sweat. The ambulance got there and they took me out, but they couldn't even get my blood pressure to read. I don't remember a whole lot until I was at the hospital (apparently I was in and out of consciousness). I got to labor and delivery and they tried to hook up monitors to check McKenzie's heart beat but they were having trouble finding it. My blood pressure was a mear 86/59. They let me take off my own shorts and put blankets over me. They brought in the ultrasound tech and an ultrasound machine to check her heart beat. I watched as she zoomed in on the heart and I saw that it was no longer beating. Moments later they told me they were prepping me, I asked for what and they said they were taking me for my c-section. I started to cry and told them it was too early. I said my tearful goodbye to Phillip. The cut my shirt off of me, put a gown on and we headed to the operating room. Once in the operating room everything was being rushed, they told me they were giving me something that was going to make it hard to breath but that they would help me. It literally felt like I was choking and I couldn't breath and that is the last thing I remember until I woke up in recovery.

I woke up in recovery freezing cold and the first person I saw was Dr.M (the most amazing OBGYN ever) and I asked him how McKenzie was. He tearfully looked at me, grabbed my hand and told me that she didn't make it. I couldn't hold back the tears, and when they let Phillip come in to see me he was bawling and so was I. McKenzie Lee was born still at 6:58am on 5/15/09 a tiny 4lbs 9oz and 18in long. She was born at 32weeks and 6days.

I later found out that my uterus had ruptured causing me all that pain. I also had a placental abruption, which is what caused McKenzie's death and me to almost bleed to death. I was bleeding internally from the rupture and abruption and eventually lost 1/2 my blood because of it. That is why I felt like I was going to pass out and was sweating. I really am lucky to be alive.

Laura blogs at http://ilovemylittleredhead.blogspot.com