Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Kellie
Mom to Baby
Missed miscarriage on January 2nd, 2009 at 11.5 weeks (baby was 9 weeks)
Stanton, CA
 

I got pregnant a month or so before my daughter’s 1^st birthday, it was a shock but a very welcome shock. We always knew we wanted at least one more baby. I was still breastfeeding and there was no end in sight as my daughter showed no signs of weaning. I went in to my midwife right away and she explained breastfeeding would cause no harm to my unborn baby. I went on blissfully happy at the thought of a sibling for my daughter. I had an appointment at 8 weeks and even had an early scan; baby was perfect measuring a day ahead and had a heart rate of 175.

I had my next appointment at 11 and a half weeks, I went in happy to see my baby again because my midwife does quick ultrasounds at every appointment. She first got out the doppler and checked for the heart beat…nothing. She tried again…nothing. I began to freak out. She brought me in for an ultrasound and confirmed my worst fears, my baby was dead. The baby passed away somewhere between 9 and 10 weeks and I was over 11, so we knew my body was holding on to the baby. I had to take some medicine to make my body dilate a little and let go. That was the worst night of my life.

The cramps were horrendous. I emotionally felt like dying. The actual part when I started releasing the contents of my uterus was horrible to put it mildly, I can’t even begin to describe without making you sick. It was that awful.
 

After all of that I got an infection in my uterus and bled for the next 4 weeks. I had to go on two super strong antibiotics to fight it off. Finally my body felt like itself again and all I think about was my little baby I so badly wanted and I hopes and dreams for. My daughter was the only one who gave me peace and made my sadness feel more distant.
 

I am happy to say that I now have a 2 month old son; I thought I would never get pregnant again. He is my little sunshine. I still think about and miss the baby I lost each day.

We will meet again little one.
 

Kellie blogs at http://reinventingnormal.blogspot.com/