Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Brooke

Mom to Victoria Ann

Born March 18, 2010

Philadelphia, PA

In the summer of 2009, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). The diagnosis had me seek out a fertility specialist to assist me in getting pregnant. I truly thought that infertility would be my biggest hurdle when beginning a family. My husband and I felt very lucky when we quickly got pregnant in October of 2009. I truly couldn’t believe it. My prayers were answered.


We were very cautious about spreading the news and waited until after our first trimester to make the news public. The pregnancy was going very well. I was exhausted and headaches were frequent. I look back now and would take those days of pure exhaustion and migraines that would never go away, back in a heartbeat, if that means the circumstances would have been different. At 20 weeks, we had our anatomy scan and everything looked perfect. We were having a girl and her name was going to be Victoria Ann.

Right around 22 weeks, I noticed that I wasn’t feeling Victoria move as much. She was pretty active and that feeling in my belly had stopped. I first talked myself into believing that it was still really early in my pregnancy to be feeling her move constantly. A couple days of this and I knew I needed to go to the doctor. I can look back now and say that March 15th was and probably always will be the worst day of my life. As my OB frantically searched for her heartbeat on the Doppler, I just knew it. She was gone. My little girl, who wasn’t even given a chance at life, was dead.

We quickly went to the hospital and it was confirmed with an ultrasound, that she had no heartbeat. I was numb. How could this have happened? How could two parents who would have loved and cared for a baby as much as we would have, be faced with a life of grief? We were given the option to have an Advanced D&E performed or deliver Victoria. We initially opted for the D&E. I was scared to death of going into labor. After two days of unsuccessfully trying to be induced for the D&E, we decided to go to the Labor and Delivery floor and deliver our baby. On March 18th at 5:00 AM, Victoria Ann was born still. She grew her angel wings.

We still have no idea why she died. We have been through various tests and have spoken to numerous doctors and there are no answers. Not a day goes by, that I don’t think of my baby. My grief will be a part of me forever. She is loved and will never be forgotten.
 
 

Brooke can be reached at: Brooke621@aol.com