Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Lynley
Mom to Kamdyn
Due October 26th, 2010
Miscarried at 14 weeks on April 30th, 2010
Gillette, WY

Our son Kamdyn was delivered on April 30, 2010 at 14.3 weeks due to Placenta Previa. Our story begins with the struggles of infertility and miscarrying our precious baby.

My hubby and I married September 4, 2004 and it wasn’t but six months into our marriage that we started planning for children. Our first was conceived in August of 2005 with a little help from clomid. The pregnancy was easy and we had our first son Kylo on April 26, 2006. In July of 2007 we decided to start trying again. After six months of no success we tried clomid. We did about 5 rounds of that. Then we did 4 rounds of IUI. After no success we turned to a specialist to find the problem, as well as try IVF. This took place in March of 2009.

I underwent surgery because they thought my tubes were blocked, when in fact they were just fine. The only thing that showed as a possible problem was my husband having a slight difference in the shape of his sperm which is called “morphology”. We proceeded with IVF and they managed to retrieve 19 eggs. They performed ICSI on half and only 13 actually fertilized. By day five, one egg was good. My heart was broken. I couldn’t believe that with all that, we only had one good egg. Unfortunately that one good egg did not take and we were back at the beginning.

At this point my husband and I decided to quit. I focused on losing some weight and training for a 5K, a 10K, and a half marathon. I lost nearly 40 pounds and felt great. In August we planned a trip to Hawaii with friends in June of 2010. I was scared to death to book a trip as I was secretly hoping that I would still get pregnant. In December of 2009 I hit rock bottom. I was sure that with my life style changes that I would be pregnant by the end of the year. Once January hit I decided to move on. I booked a flight to California to run my first half marathon on April 25^th with my family and friends. I decided it was time to sell all my baby stuff that we saved from our first son. My co-worker was pregnant and I was actually excited for her.

On February 20, 2010 my husband and I were at a banquet. That day I started coming down with a cold and felt miserable that night. I remember being at the banquet and feeling like my head was plugged up, but oddly enough I was so hungry and tired that I could cry. My cycle was late but I wasn’t about to take another pregnancy test to see a negative sign. I was done. I begged my husband to let us go home and about midnight I finally got to see my bed. On February 23 I finally took a home pregnancy test before I left for work. Much to my surprise we were pregnant. Our wishes had finally come true.

That very same day I scheduled a doctor’s appointment. Considering it took us 2 ½ years to get pregnant, I really wanted to make sure that the baby was well. My first ultrasound showed the sac and fetal pole but no heartbeat. A week later we went back and lo and behold there was junior with a strong heartbeat. This all was starting to seem real. I had the normal pregnancy feelings and they were much stronger than the first time. I decided to quit running and focus on the pregnancy. I still had tickets to California so my son and I went to visit my sister and her family. The second day we were there I noticed a slight discharge of blood. It scared me enough that we went to the hospital and they diagnosed me with a UTI and said to be cautious as it can cause miscarriages. Two more days passed and my bleeding started to really pick up. We went back to the hospital and I was certain that I had lost the baby. I knew they were going to drag me to the ultrasound room and not tell me the results. I remember crying and panicking as the lady was doing the exam. Thankfully she was kind enough to turn the screen and I could see my little baby jumping around. We were at the hospital from 10PM until 4AM and my flight left out of California that morning at 6AM. I contacted my doctor and he was scheduled to see me first thing when we returned. Once again I had another ultrasound and little junior was doing fine. My doctor diagnosed me with partial placenta previa and ordered me to bed rest until the bleeding stopped. Three days into bed rest and the bleed was slowly getting better.

On Friday April 30^th I was in bed sleeping when I woke to this really hard pull, like something was tearing. It lasted for about 10 seconds and then, relief, which felt so much better. Within minutes I started feeling cramps. But oddly enough those cramps reminded me of contractions. I let it pass for about an hour. My sister-in-law was on her way over to take my son for the day since I was on bed rest. When she arrived I told her I called my doctor and he wanted to see me now. She gave me a ride. To be honest I really thought I was just nervous and jumping to conclusions and that everything was fine. Upon the examination the doctor looked up and said “Lynley…you are miscarrying”. I said “Huh?” He repeated himself and I said “How do you know?” Like I was sure that the doctor had no clue what he was talking about. He then said “I can see the babies head”. From this point on my world crashed around me. I was sent to the hospital to deliver.

Upon arrival it took the receptionist forever to find me a room on the labor and deliver floor. I was sure I was going to deliver that baby right then and there. Once I was in my room I was given medication to continue the contractions. An hour into the stay I felt the urge to use the bathroom. The doctor showed up to my room and at that point my water broke over the toilet and there was the baby dangling from the umbilical cord. The doctor immediately had me run over to the bed to cut the cord. The nurse took off with the baby and came back with him wrapped in the blanket. At that point we learned he in fact was a boy. The boy everybody doubted was a boy because they wanted a girl. I knew in my heart all along that he was a boy. I remember holding him and sobbing the hardest I had every cried. At that point the room cleared out and it was just my husband, Kamdyn, and me. I couldn’t believe how big he really was. I was amazed to see that in just 14 weeks he had everything I could have imagined and more. About an hour later we gave him to the nurse and said our good byes. We waited 5 hours for the placenta to pass and all I lost was clots. I then had a D&C and was sent home after recovery. My days following afterwards were a blur. I remember my husband holding me like a baby while I cried and how everything was a trigger. Boy do I miss my boy and would give anything to have him back. Love and miss you Kamdyn!

You can contact Lynley at lynleystinson@gmail.com