Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Kirsten

Mom to Boe

April 22nd, 2010

Huntington Beach, California

229 days.  That is how long I carried my precious baby boys.  My husband and I found out 14 weeks into our 2nd pregnancy that I was carrying spontaneous triplet boys.  It was a set of identical twins and a singleton.  A,B and C; then, once we found out all 3 were boys, Adler, Boe and Cameron.  My pregnancy was a pretty easy one, all things considered.  I had weekly doctor's visits and always got good reports.  Boe was always a bit smaller, but the doctor said he was still within normal range, and it is to be expected that there will be a smaller one in a multiple pregnancy.

The only thing he was concerned about was the possibilty of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome developing between Adler and Boe.  They were monochorionic twins, which meant they shared a placenta.  This never happened, and we continued through the pregnancy.  When I was 32 weeks and 5 days pregnant, just 8 days away from my target due date, Boe left us.  We went in for a routine ultrasound and were told that Boe's heart had stoppped beating.  The doctor said from what he could tell, Boe had passed at some point in the last 12 to 14 hours.

I was admitted to the hospital for observation, and my doctor was really hoping that I would be able to carry Adler and Cameron for at least 1 more week.  The thought of having my little Boe inside me for that long was not an appealing thought, but I knew the longer that Adler and Cameron stayed in me, the better shot they had at being born healthy and strong.  I was given steroids for their lung development and magnesium sulfate to help with brain bleeds.  Their heartrates and other vitals were monitored for the better part of the day.  Late in the afternoon my doctor came to chwck in and did not like Adler's heartrate.  He wanted to deliver the boys that day.

One hour later, Adler and Cameron cried out at exactly the same moment. My husband and I were so relieved to hear them, but the room became heavy with the silence that followed.  Boe's still little body was pulled from mine and he was taken by a very kind nurse.  Feeling such intense joy and pain all at once is an experience I'll not soon forget.  After I had been in recovery for a while, a nurse asked if we'd like to see Boe.  She brought him to us, and he was perfect.  All 2 pounds 13 ounces of him was wrapped in a warm little blanket and he looked as if he were simply asleep.  If only that were the case, I thought to myself as I held him close and memorized everything about him.  He smelled so sweet and his tiny hands and feet warmed me to the core.  We blessed him with some holy water and just held him and cried.  To this day, it haunts me that I held him before Adler and Cameron.  It would be the next day before I would hold them in my arms.

Cameron came home after 3 weeks in the NICU and Adler after 2 months.  Adler has a small birthmakr on his chest which we refer to as his "Boe Spot", a tiny reminder of the piece that is missing.  We miss Boe each and everyday, but we know he was our little hero who held on as long as he could so his brothers would have the best shot possible at a healthy life.  We love you Baby Boe.

Kristen blogs at http://otherplans4.blogspot.com 

You can contact her at momdequatre@gmail.com