Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Michaela

Mom to Carter

July 22nd, 2008 - September 17th, 2008

Kaukuana, Wisconsin

I am a stay at home mom of three beautiful boys.  My second son, Carter, was born "normal" with no complications during the pregnancy.  At five weeks old we noticed a twitch in his eye and a little shake in his arm.  

 We took him in and after two weeks he was diagnosed with a one in a million condition called Ohtahara Syndrome.  This meant that Carter was having seizures, and a brainwave test showed a very rare pattern of high activity and then no activity, causing his brain to not carry out the signals it needed to for his body.  This was devastating news as children with Ohtahara rarely live past age 2, medicines do not control seizures for long, and in Carter's case the signals were not being sent out for him to breathe on his own.  

Carter was immediately put on a ventilator.  We knew that we did not want Carter to suffer with seizures for the rest of his short life, nor was being on a ventilator any way to live.  We made the most difficult decision to let him go to heaven.  

Two years later, we are still slowly adjusting to life without him. We know he is in Jesus' arms, but we still miss him- and that hurt is unimagineable to someone who hasn't experienced it.  It is hard to live without him every day, and I know how it feels to feel lonely while the rest of the world goes on.  What keeps me going is knowing I will get to see Carter again someday, and also the love I have for my other boys.   

Michaela blogs at www.carterhagenow.blogspot.com 

You can contact her at jmhags@sbcglobal.net