Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Luci

Mom to Hope & Grace Klare

Born and Died June 23rd, 2009

We were only three months married when I saw the plus sign on the stick. It was joyful and frightening, but mostly pure elation.  Two months into our pregnancy we were at our first doctor's appointment and we were awe struck by the news...

We having twins!  Soon there after it was confirmed we were having conjoined twins, sharing one heart and one percent chance of survival. To describe what my husband and I felt like in these moments is impossible. We spent the next few days crying on the floor, holding each other, seeking answers, questioning ourselves, "God, why us?"; and then we prayed. 

It was no sooner did we ask, did we receive. We picked each other up off the floor and realized our love for them had not changed. It didn’t matter what form they came in or what their chances were, they were our daughters. We would storm heaven with as many prayers our hearts could say to give our daughters a chance at life. For the next 134 days until Hope and Grace were born, we continued to carry our cross of being uncertain what the future held for our little babies. We took it one day at a time and one prayer at a time. Each day brought new hope as we grew closer to them being born. We still cried often together, when we were scared of what our future held; but those times were less often than the ones where we laughed and felt overjoyed to feel them kick, to see them grow in our weekly ultrasounds and hear their heart beat...
 
On June 23, 2009 I gave birth to Hope Gerard and Grace Cecilia. They lived in our loving embrace for 46 minutes. They were born kissing and hugging each other. Within minutes my husband baptized each one with their eyes wide open – Hope looking at Chris, Grace looking at me. After they were baptized, Chris held them until they took their very last breath and their one precious heart beat its last thump.
 
Hope and Grace’s lives were a message to us all. For some it was to thank God for the health of their children and their pregnancies. For others it was a reminder of what being pro-life was all about. But the message I received is that through God’s Grace there is Hope. I could not have taken one step forward, if it were not for my prayers and those praying for us. Through the birth of my twin daughter’s I have learned that it is only through this beautiful suffering of the loss of my "little saints" that I have learned to stay within God’s grace, so that I am able to obtain what I hope for - to be with them. I am daily reminded of God’s goodness when I think of what he has done for me through my daughters, and my husband. I am completely unworthy of this gift to have my first two children enter into heaven and be a part of the holy saints and angels in God’s home. And if ever I am off the beaten path or forgetful of where I should be, I can just say my girls’ names to be guided back to the right direction, "through Grace, there is Hope - there is Heaven". 

Luci blogs at www.klarefamily.blogspot.com

You can contact her at klare.luci@gmail.com