Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Heidi

Biochemical Pregnancy - January 2006

Ruptured Ectopic Pregnancy -April 2006

Early Miscarriage - July 2006

Biochemical Pregnancy - December 2006

Ectopic Pregnancy - September 2007

Early Miscarriage- October 2010

Chesapeake, Virginia

Mine & My Husband’s journey began in January of 2006.  This was eight months after Dave & I got married.  We wanted to have children and because of my age (35), and my past history of endometriosis and fertility challenges with my ex-husband, we went straight to a fertility clinic.  On our first consultation, the bloodwork showed I was pregnant, imagine our surprise!  This turned out to be a biochemical pregnancy and began a long road of fertility challenges. 

We jumped right into fertility treatments with multiple tests, fertility drugs, and shots.  Everything was going well until Easter Sunday of 2006, when I felt a harsh pain in my stomach, but no bleeding.  I spoke with the nurse and they told me as long as there was no bleeding, all was okay, and to continue on until my scheduled appointment on Tuesday.  On Tuesday I went in for my normal checkup and once the doctor and nurses had a look, they rushed me to the emergency room for a ruptured ectopic.  My right tube was destroyed and I had lost approximately 1/3 of my blood into my abdominal cavity.  They stitched me up and I recovered well, although I only had ½ the chance of pregnancy now. 

After the ectopic, to give us the best chances, we began treatments and two consecutive IVF cycles.  The retrieval and implantation all went well but the first pregnancy didn’t take.  The second took and seemed to be moving along well.  But, of course, as I was monitored weekly and took a slew of drugs and shots daily, the fetus’ growth was not progressing as expected.  At the point when the doctors expected a heartbeat, none was found and a MAB was begun.  At this point, the wind was out of our sails, we had tried everything and had every conceivable result with the exception of a successful pregnancy. 

The last six months had been an emotional roller coaster to say the least and had left us distraught and emotionally drained.  My husband and I began to consider other options such as adoption but came to the conclusion that our life was blessed in other ways and accepted the hand that was dealt to us.  Don’t get me wrong, becoming parents would have been a gift from God, but we realized we were lucky in so many other ways.  In December of 2006, imagine our surprise when I found out I was pregnant again.  This one ended up a biochemical pregnancy again.  After that, we decided to say “good-bye” to our second family at the fertility clinic and become great parents to our cats and dogs. 

The following year in September of 2007, another ectopic pregnancy occurred.  This one was caught before rupture so I was able to maintain my remaining ovary.  After that, little happened for the next few years…

Fast forward to September 2010 when my family received the shocking news that my father has terminal cancer.  We were all devastated and confused and being an only child, the additional responsibilities fall upon myself and my husband.  I have to stop for a moment and say how much I love my husband and all he has done for my mom and dad, that is why I knew he would be a loving husband and father.  Then, 1 month after my dad’s diagnosis, what do I hear – I’m pregnant again!  All I could think of is that this is god’s way of saying “When one door closes, one door opens.”  Is this an opportunity to carry on my dad’s name?  Do I tell him that he will be a grandpa to give him hope???  After discussions with my mother, we decided to wait until after the first trimester before telling my father about the pregnancy, especially with my past history. 

The first doctor’s appointment was at ~7 weeks on October 15, 2010 when they announced that the fetus was in the uterus!  A fantastic sign and further than I had ever made it before!  I began prometrium, lovinex, and progesterone treatments immediately.  My second ultrasound 9 days later wasn’t quite as happy, the pregnancy had only progressed by three days and there was not a heartbeat.  Another MAD commenced followed by a D&C.  The tissue samples of the fetus were sent off for testing, as well as chromosome testing for both myself and my husband.  Everything is slowly returning to normal, but I am really glad I hadn’t told my father about the pregnancy, that’s some additional stress that he didn’t need. 

I am a strong believer that things happen for a reason and I went back to the fertility clinic for a reason.  Five years ago, did I ever think I’d be writing about my quest for children?  I cannot say what the future entails for us, we are awaiting testing results on the fetus to determine what our future options are.  More to follow….

You can contact Heidi at lvmyboys3@cox.net