Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Sarah

Mommy to Harper Lynn

Born Sleeping on July 12th, 2010 at 25 weeks

La Grange, Kentucky

December 2009: My period was ALWAYS 28 days on the nose, I was on birth control but for some reason I was late. I was happily married to my best friend and had two beautiful kids, Brianna and Kaden. I came home from helping a friend and told my husband I was late. It made him realize that he did want more kids like me. But soon after that I started. We made the decision to just not restart my birth control when I finished my period. 

Fast forward to February 9, 2010: Two pink lines on about 20 tests. :) We were elated, first try and we got pregnant. I immediately called and scheduled my first appointment which was a couple of weeks away.  We told our kids that we were going to have a baby and we started sharing the pregnancy books with them right away. We wanted them to be totally part of everything around us that was going on. They came up with nicknames for their baby during different stages, we had an early ultrasound and they began to call the baby "Bean" and then it became "Baby Lizard" because in our book the baby resembled a lizard to our daughter who was 4 at the time. 

Every check up was going great, since I had been gestational diabetic they did the GTT at 18 weeks and it was positive. I immediately went on insulin therapy and a diet plan. I didn't care how many shots I had to take, our family was just so happy to be adding one more to our clan. On June 3rd, 2010 we went for our 20 week ultrasound, but since I was diabetic they went ahead and sent me to the MFM for a level 2. That is when we found out that we would be having another little girl. Our name had been picked by our 6 year old son, and he had chosen Harper Lynn. Immediately we started calling her Harper anytime we talked to her, and our kids called her Harper. She was going to know her name before she was born. She loved when my son talked to her, she was just kick away and move all around. If she was having a quiet moment all he had to do was lay his hands on my stomach and she would be wide awake. I could already tell they were going to be close. 

At 21 weeks, exactly one week to the day after my ultrasound, the kids and I had been to a movie with friend and were going into the library. I start bleeding while at the library. At first it was just some spotting but almost immediately became very severe. My best friend, Holly, rushed me to the hospital where the bleeding only continued for several hours. An ultrasound later we found out we had a partial abruption and I was put on immediate bed rest. No more going down stairs, no more laundry, no cleaning, NOTHING. I got to sit in my bed all day. But the kids and I made the best of it watching movies, talking and reading to Harper, and picking out things we wanted to buy or make for her. I continued to my appointments weekly for ultrasounds and to the MFMs for ultrasounds. They said for us to be prepared for a preemie.  I am a planner and a nester so when we got this news at 24 weeks I immediately started researching about preemies and which books I would need to be prepared. This was the first week of July. 

On July 5th I managed to go outside with the kids for a little while and sit in their kiddie pool that Grandma had bought. That was the first time the kids got to see and feel Harper moving. As I laid in the water they just laid their little heads on me and felt her moving around. It was almost as if time had stopped, all was right in the world and we were able to be ignorantly blissful for those few moments. It was one of the most beautiful days of my entire life. I was the most happy person on the face of our earth.

On July 7th, we ordered the preemie book to make sure I was prepared. I wasn't nervous or anything just excited I was adding a new tiny face to my family. On July 8th we went to what would become our last OB appointment. Harper's heart beat was a beautiful 160, she was moving and kicking just to let me know she was there.  The OB said everything seemed okay, continued bed rest and I would see her the following Monday which was only 4 days away. She said I could ride in the car with my husband to help him do the mundane task of getting the oil changed in the car. 

So on July 9th we went to do the errands she had okayed for me. On the way to the dealership I realized Harper had not been quite as active as normal but just chocked it up to a lazy day. We sat for a couple hours and headed home shortly after, we had some lunch and when we got home my mom had brought us the book we had ordered. I went to my bed and laid down to read it, it was a lot to take in and I quickly grew tired. I took a nap and upon waking up I realized that Harper had not kicked for several hours. I called Kaden in and even he could not rouse her. Immediately, my loving husband drove me to the ER. I knew that it was not going to be good news. We went into the ER at 8PM on July 9th and at 9:30 PM the OB on call let us know that Harper Lynn was in the arms of Jesus. 

They induced me that night, and on Monday July 12th at 1:59 PM Harper Lynn Borth was born sleeping. The 4 days of labor were a blur and I honestly don't remember a whole lot of it. But She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, she looked like a very tiny version of her big sister. She had a head full of black hair and her daddy's monsterous feet. She was perfect, she even had my crooked middle finger! She was a lot bigger than they had prepared us for. She was 1lb 11 oz. and 14 inches long. She was almost double the size they said she would be. I had a long time to make peace with God about our situation, we found out that we had a chorionic membrane separation with the abruption. The only way they could describe it to me was "a crappy placenta". Our condition was 1 in a million, and in the course of labor I made peace with God that he chose me to be that one in a million because I was strong enough to survive it. I miss her every day and things happen to let me know she is okay and she is watching over us. 

I am the luckiest woman in the world because I have 2 beautiful living children and I got to hold Harper closer than anyone for 25 of the most amazing weeks of my life. I feel like God blessed me with her to help those who are also going through a loss. To be there for them. My husband and I are not letting this hold us back and are actively trying to become pregnant again. We can not think of a better way to honor our daughter, Harper, than by bringing another life into this world so that one more person will know just how beautiful our Angel is. 

 Sarah can be contacted at Mommyx2nky@aol.com