Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Megan

Mom to Little Lost One, March 11, 2009

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
 

Travis and I met my freshman (his junior) year at college. A friend of mine dragged me to a party at his fraternity house, and one of the first people we met there was Travis. We spent the whole night talking and at the end of the night as I went to leave, he gave me a quick kiss and asked me to come back tomorrow. I did (Oct. 13, 2000), and we've been together ever since. We were married six years later, on October 13, 2006. It was a perfect autumn day, everything we could have hoped for!

I definitely had the baby yearn from our wedding on, but we both wanted to wait around 2 years before starting to try for kids. We wanted to do some work on our house, pay down some debts, and do some traveling. For our first anniversary, we took a trip to Ireland; and a few months later we traveled with some friends to Cabo San Lucas. We also fixed up our bathroom, redid our guest bedroom, and paid off all debts except for our mortgage and my student loans.

Early 2008 I was very ready for a baby and approached Travis about when he would like to start. At first he was not ready at all, but after a few months we made the decision to start trying in the fall. In August I got my IUD removed, and in September we started trying. We took the "see what happens approach" and didn't chart, only keeping track of my cycles and watching for other signs of ovulation. We were very excited and blessed to get our BFP on January 4th, and another darker one on January 5th (approx. 14 & 15 dpo, our third month of trying)... for a due date of September 13, 2009. I had my first appointment at 8 weeks on the 3rd of February, everything seemed good.
 

On March 5 we were scheduled for our NT ultrasound, which would be our first look at the baby. It was supposed to be an amazing day. I was supposed to be 12 weeks and 4 days pregnant. There are so many things that were supposed to be. Instead we looked at the monitor and saw a too small baby with no heartbeat. We'd lost the sweet babe about a month prior. It felt weird that I didn't know. How could I not know? We were devastated. We saw the doctor the next day and scheduled a D&E for the following Wednesday (March 11), since my uterus was apparently in as much denial as my head was. The procedure itself was easy, as I elected to be put under. The emotional aspect was much harder to deal with as we tried to adjust to the fact that we were no longer pregnant, that our baby was gone. I was so lucky to have Travis during that time. He grieved with me and yet was so strong for me at the same time.

I went for my follow-up appointment 2 weeks later and was told that everything looked as it should, and we were clear to start trying again once I got one regular period. So that's what we did, again TTC and hoping for a successful pregnancy. It was so surreal to be dealing with 2ww and phantom symptoms when just a few months prior I was dealing with morning sickness. We were blessed to not have to wait too long. In June, we found out we were pregnant again... this time with our take home baby, Gwenivere, born February 16, 2010.

Megan blogs at http://meegs1982.blogspot.com/

and can be contacted at meegs1982online@yahoo.com