Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Laura

Mom to Gwenyth Graham Carpenter

Born on March 17, 2010

Taken away May 14, 2010
Harrisonburg, Virginia
 

Gwenyth Graham Carpenter, our baby girl, blessed our life so briefly. I'm working on that. She left so unexpectedly.

Gwen was diagnosed when I was 20 weeks pregnant with a congenital heart defect (CHD) called Truncus Arterious type I. At 36 weeks her lungs were checked, as according to the doctors she better off being born asap due to her heart condition. She was at risk for sudden intra-uterine death every second she was inside me.
 

At 37 weeks, I was induced. Gwen was born on March 17, 2010 - the memory does grow more beautiful and golden with time - it was amazing to see her and hold her, to gaze in her eyes, after not knowing if she would be born at all. She had surgery two days after birth and was doing so well the doctors were amazed by her.
 

She left the hospital (Children's Hospital of Philly) just after Easter and came home to Virginia a week or so later only to suddenly be taken away just shy of two months old. It was May 14th, 2010. It happened without warning - we were not with her when her heart stopped. So far as of September 20th 2010, no final ruling has been determined, but it appears to be a virus that took her life. We are still awaiting the final autopsy results form UVA.
 

Lillian Lane is my wonderful and amazing other little girl, born so healthy and strong, Dec. 14th 2007. The joy of having Lil does ground me in the grief of losing her sister. I am thankful for both of my children. They teach me about the depth of love with glimpses of the nature of eternity. Marie Graham Carpenter, my deeply-loved sister-in-law, truly a sister to me, died the very same day as our Gwen in a horrible and tragic way, falling off a steep edge in the woods a place she loved. Marie was one month shy of turning 20. We are bearing, because we have to, but it is a long road, and I'm not brave, strong, or enlightened.
 

I'm stumbling around in the dark trying to figure out what happened. I'm not dignified or graceful. But I'm here and time is dragging me along, forward I go, trying to get a grip on the situation. It was a double-blindsided what to our heads. It hurts. I know it has to be this way, because it is a part of love, the part you hope you never have to experience, it will be a while until my heart settles, or whatever it is that happens over time.
 

Laura blogs at http://transientzeitgeist.blogspot.com/

and http://www.gwenythcarpenter.com/

she can be contacted at laura@maski.org