Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Kelly Doris

Mother to Baby due August 18th, 2010, Miscarried December 22nd, 2009

and Baby due December 3rd, 2010, Miscarried April 6th, 2010

Sparta, WI

After several months of fertility treatments I found out I was pregnant in early December 2009. I was excited. Blood tests confirmed also I was pregnant. Several days after the blood work all the pregnancy symptoms I had disappeared. I took an at home pregnancy test, and it was negative. The next day I had another blood test, and it was confirmed that I would miscarry. I miscarried at home the following day.

A few months later we tried fertility treatments again. This cycle I also got pregnant. The results from the initial blood work I was told to expect another miscarriage. After several other tests I got the official congratulations the day before my 26^th birthday. Two days after my birthday I was in severe pain, and had started spotting. I called my fertility doctor and was scheduled for an ultrasound the following day. At the ultrasound it was confirmed to be an ectopic pregnancy. The baby measured at 6wkd2days and a heartbeat was present. I went to have emergency surgery. There were complications during the surgery. I also had a D&C preformed, and I was given two dose of Methotrexate. I learned several days later that I came close to losing my life.

It is speculated that the miscarriage was also an ectopic pregnancy. I am heartbroken every day over the losses of both babies. I have found both infertility and pregnancy loss is a difficult subject at best, and not many people can understand. I still wonder what if things would have been different. My husband, Ben, has been my biggest support. I have found it difficult to move forward after the losses. I feel like I am to blame for what has happened, and that I have failed not only my babies, but myself, and my husband. We recently started back on fertility treatments.

I will never forget my babies, and they will always have a special place in my heart. 

Kelly blogs at www.onlykellyandben.blogspot.com