Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Jasmin

Mom to Johnnie born at 18 weeks on

October 9, 2006

Daniel born on September 6, 2008

David born at 20 weeks 2 day on March 8, 2009

Los Angeles, CA

My name is Jasmin Campos. I'm 25 and I have three angels in heaven.

My first pregnancy was when I was 20 going on 21 and she was not planned. I was scared, oh was I scared, but I knew that I always wanted to be a mommy. My pregnancy progressed with a lot of scares, a lot of spotting out of nowhere, and I had really bad nausea but I never ever though I wouldn't bring this baby home. When I was 16 weeks along everything started to quiet. I felt great and I enjoyed being pregnant. At 18 weeks along I started to have a lot of pressure. I went to the doctor and they said I was fine, my cervix was closed, and to go home and relax. The next day my water broke. I went in to the ER. I was hysterical because I didn't know what to do. I knew my baby was going to be dead and I didn't want to hear that. They took me to the ultra sound room and there was her heart beating away. Then the tech looked at me and said "Don't get too happy. Your baby is gonna die. It can't survive without water." He was so cold. He crushed me. 24 hours later she was born silent. I named her Johnnie and she was so precious.

Two years pass and I felt "ready" to try again. It happened kinda quickly and I'm was so overjoyed. I found out I was pregnant in June 2008 and was just happy. My pregnancy was going good, but then I got sent to a Peri. And she told me my cervix is shortening and I should get a second opinion before she puts a cerclage in. The next day I go in and another doctor checks me out and says we have no time, we have to go now, she need the cerclage now. I get wheeled into surgery and they knock me out. I wake up screaming and she comes over and tells me "I'm so sorry, there was nothing left to do, the water bag was bulging. I'm sorry." 6 hours later this little boy was born and he was perfect. He was silent as well and we named him Daniel.

Now David was a huge surprise. I lost Daniel in September of '08 and got pregnant with David on Halloween of '08. We were on the pill and using condoms because we didn't want to try for at least a year. I know it was Halloween because that was the first night we had been together since Daniel passed and it was the only day that month we saw each other. I didn't see my husband till I found out I was pregnant November 17th. We were scared out of our minds. We had a planned cerclage at 12 weeks, bed rest for 16 weeks, shots at 20 weeks... Well the cerclage was placed and everything was going well until 18 weeks. I went in and was told I was funneling to the stitch and basically the only thing holding my baby inside me was the stitch. We were on hospital bed rest for 2 weeks. At 20 weeks I found out I was having a baby boy. At 20 weeks and 2 days my water bag was bulging and they had to take the cerclage out. David Angel was born 4 hours later. His labor was the hardest of all. Even though the other 2 were hard, with him I could feel him kicking as if he was telling me he wasn't ready. I went crazy for a bit. I expected him to be silent as well, but he wasn't. He gave out a little cry and then he was quiet. Still alive, but quiet. He kept opening and closing his mouth and no one believed me but he grasped my husbands finger. I only got to see him alive for about 15 minutes before I started to bleed. I passed out and woke up in a lot of pain and my husband trying to hand me David. I didn't want to drop him so I pushed him away. I regret that everyday. His heart stopped 5 minutes after I came out of surgery. I believe he was waiting for me. He didn't want to go without seeing I was okay. He passed away at 2:02. I came out of surgery at 1:57.

I miss all my babies and I am grateful I got to see all their faces. I just wish I could have brought one home.

Jasmin can be contacted at Princessjasminc@gmail.com