Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Catherine

Miscarried on September 14th, 2008

El Paso, Texas

I found out that I was expecting a week and a half after my husband and I were married. We had just moved, and as a result, I had to quit working, so I lost my health insurance. My husband kept forgetting to get the paperwork necessary to add me to his insurance, and when he finally did remember, we had been married about 2 months, so it was too late to add me.

Because of finances, we waited until I was supposed to have been 14 weeks pregnant to see the doctor. I had no clue anything was wrong, although I had expressed concern that I had been losing weight. I had morning sickness and excessive fatigue until around 10-12 weeks, so when I lost my symptoms, I thought it was only a result of being close to the 2nd trimester. I was so excited to finally see the doctor when I went.

When I saw the doctor, he did the regular examination. He told me that it felt like I was only measuring 8-10 weeks along, so he wanted to do an ultrasound. My husband was still concerned about finances, so my doctor stated we would do it, but we wouldn't be billed for it. I was terrified when he was doing the ultrasound. He found the placenta and amniotic sac filled with fluid, but there wasn't a baby. When I was getting dressed after the ultrasound, the nurse came in to give me instructions. I was bawling my eyes out, and she just dismissed it saying how young I was and that I could have another one (thus far, even though I was so young, she was very wrong). All that did was make me angrier and that made me cry harder.

He sent me for bloodwork to make sure, but I was positive of my dates. In fact, if my LMP wasn't correct, I could have been even farther along because my last period had been spotting. My hCG levels were dropping. My doctor felt that a D&C was unnecessary, so he was seeing me weekly to make sure I did not get an infection. A few weeks later, I remember having a uterine spasm and thinking, 'Hey, maybe that was the baby kicking. Maybe the doctor was wrong. After almost 5 weeks from my 1st appointment, my doctor told me that if I did not miscarry by the next week, he would have to do a D&C. This was on Tuesday, September 9, 2008. He scheduled an appointment for the following Monday. Starting that Friday, I started spotting. On Saturday, I had a light flow. And on Sunday, I went to the ER because of the amount of bleeding. I had actual contractions, and I remember thinking that I should only be having cramping, not contractions. I bled for 2 weeks to the day.

From the date I am writing this story, it has been almost 2 years. I still cry often, but not as often as I used to cry. Instead of letting myself a chance to heal, I focused on getting pregnant right away. After trying for almost 2 years, I have stopped to go back to school. Going back to school and not trying to get pregnant has given me a chance to heal more in a 2 months than I had in 2 years.

You can contact Catherine at http://us.mc800.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=aaclzamora@att.net