Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Amy

Mom to Baby
Miscarried at nearly 7 weeks in April 2002

Braceville, Illinois

Here is my story. My name is Amy. I was married to the love of my life on Oct 10, 1998, I was 23 years old, almost 24. We started trying to get pregnant in January 1999. Of course they say you have to wait a year before seeking treatment, (at least that's what I was told). In January 2000, I went through all the tests and found out I had trouble ovulating so my regular OB put me on Clomid. With on and off treatments (as Clomid made me an absolute bear to live with) I finally found out after increasing my dose that I was pregnant in March of 2002. In the middle of April I started bleeding and ended up having a miscarriage.

I'm a very fragile person, and I know lots of people go through multiple miscarriages but this was the absolute, most terrifying, devastating time in my life! I was almost 7 weeks. I had to have a D&C as I could not pass the baby. Signing the forms of "death" was absolutely horrible! After a few years, my husband and I decided to try again, even though I was deathly afraid after that experience to have another miscarriage...I figured that God would help me through and the reward of getting pregnant with our child would be worth it.

Our OB FINALLY referred us to a Fertility endocrinologist and he discovered that I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and Hypothyroidism. I was placed on some medications to help with that, had to go through all the "infertility" tests again. Went through 3 Intrauterine Insemination attempts which all failed. I cried on my way home every time I had them done as I felt it just wasn't right . I felt "why did I have to try to get pregnant this way and not the natural way like everyone else". My last option was In-Vitro fertilization which I was not comfortable with nor could afford. So, we decided to take an emotional break. Since then I have been also diagnosed with Hashimotos Thyroiditis and I have been officially declared infertile.

This is obviously a hard thing to deal with emotionally, and I live with quite a bit of guilt that I cannot give my husband a child. He has been tested and came out totally fine. Thankfully I have a loving husband who says he is okay with God's will for our lives. It's just the learning to accept that, that is hard for me. Especially living with the guilt. Adoption has come up, but we are just not sure.

We still pray for our miracle someday.....God is good and you never know what He is up to!

You can contact Amy at: mpaclaird@mchsi.com