Thursday, November 25, 2010

Story of HOPE

Melissa ~ Mother of
Luke born still on July 22, 2010
My son was stillborn on July 22,2010, at 17 weeks, most likely due to blood clots from a disorder that I was recently diagnosed with.  
After Luke’s death I channeled my grief by participating in the Wave of Light and made a video memorial.  I also have a memorial urn and a special necklace made with Luke’s hand/foot prints.  This way, I still have something to hold, talk to, and look at when I am thinking about him.  This also helps show other people that Luke was real, he was my son.  His death was just not just a ‘bad event’ in my life that I will get over eventually.  
My inspiration was like thunder (I knew I HAD to do something) and it grew from my inability to cope without Luke.  I don’t have him with me, I gathered the tangible things that reminded me of Luke and worked with that.   I also want to get  a tattoo of his footprints someday.  
It's hard to know that my body did this to him.  A little over 2 months after his death, my blood work came back showing I have MTHFR and Factor 5 Leiden blood clotting disorders and this is what must have caused Luke’s death.  This is a hard roadblock to get over because it just shows that his little body was perfect and he would have been fine if it wasn't for my body.  In my mind I know that I could not have known about this disorder, but I keep thinking if I did, he would still be alive.  
It is still early in my grief so I am not sure how what I am doing is affecting people.  My hope is that by showing everyone that he was real and that I will never forget him, perhaps this will inspire others to keep their child’s memory alive in some visible way.   I know that this journey of grief is a long one, but the things I'm doing to keep my son’s memory alive is helping him stay with me as much as possible.    
Some songs that help me are "Glory Baby" by Watermark and "Still" by Gerrit Hoffman.   Also, a quote that I would like to share is:   "Lord, I would have loved to hold my baby on my lap and tell him about you, but since I did not get a chance will you hold him on yours and tell him about me?"


Amanda said...

hi. thanks for being so brave and sharing your story here. you should check out a book by Darci Klein called "To Full Term." She also has Factor V. It changed my life, and the approach I took with my doctors. Praying for you right now!


ccc said...

My baby boy, David, died at 17 weeks 6 days on Oct. 27, 2010. They can't find a reason--all my blood work was negative. I love the picture of Luke's footprints. That's all I have of David and a picture of his little wooden coffin. You are not alone.

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