Thursday, October 21, 2010

Story of HOPE


Kayce ~ Donating breast milk 
I have experienced multiple loss.  My first three losses were from progesterone deficiency and all lost before six weeks (April 08, Dec. 08, and April 10).  My fourth loss is still for unknown reasons at 13 weeks 5 days.  My son's name was Tyrion Caelith (Aug. 5, 2010).  

After my last loss, my milk came in three days later and I am pumping and donating this milk to families who need it.  The pumping and donating has helped more than I ever thought it would.  I am able to take my son's very short life, and help other babies thrive on breast milk that is so necessary to their health.  It has shown me that out of something awful and heartbreaking,  something amazing can happen.  
It began when my milk came in ~ I was very upset.  I asked my friends how to help dry it up really fast, and one of them  ~ amidst the many ~ asked if I thought I would be able to pump and donate.  She understood that it would be hard and I might not be up to it, but just the thought in my mind brought me peace and an instant calm and clarity.  
I knew that you could donate breast milk, but I never thought I would be doing it after a second trimester miscarriage.  I am a midwifery apprentice, so I know more about pregnancy and birth that most people, but even I was surprised that my milk came in that early without any stimulation at all.  And, even if I had had a later loss, I never would have imagined that I would pump and donate without actually having a living baby of my own.  
The one thing that makes my donating hard is that I am always worried about what people will think.  I held off on telling my family until I was about to donate for the first time.  I was amazed with how supportive they were.  To me, if someone thinks I'm crazy or this is weird, it is like they are saying that my son's life had no meaning and that this isn't what I was supposed to do.  This fear stops me from telling people a lot of the time, just because I am so scared of what the reactions will be.  
Because my milk is for a premature baby, I am able to help a special family whose son is having some issues in the womb.  They weren't sure he would even make it without having to be born before thirty weeks, or if his mother would produce milk if he was born prematurely.  This is where I am able to help.  I was able to donate over 30 ounces of just colostrum to them, and almost 400 ounces in total of breast milk.  He is still hanging on in utero, but once he is born, he will have milk that will fatten him up and keep him healthy for all the surgeries he might need and for the NICU stay he will have.
Someone who inspires me is my friend who has also experienced the death of her son.  She came over about a week after I lost Tyrion, and she brought me a plant.  When she lost her son at 23 weeks, someone gave one to her, so she makes sure to give them out.  She calls hers after her son, and said it has been a lot of help since the plant is still growing strong.  The plant she gave me is growing and blossoming, and it reminds me that he is still alive, somewhere.

To learn more about Kayce, please visit 
 her blogs ~ Longing 4 More 
and Hearts and Hands
Tyrion's story can be read on Faces


Unknown said...

I'm so glad you donated! After the birth of our daughter I was able to pump for 3 weeks. I gave my milk to my cousin who had a baby just 2 months after me. I'm so glad I did that!

Dana said...

Thats awesome you were able to donate. I had no idea donor milk was even out there, until my twins were born at 28 weeks and it took another week and a half for my milk to come in. When my son Wyatt passed I knew I wanted to give back and had sooo much extra frozen milk. They had a milk bank program set up at the hospital where they were born and I was able to donate over 1000oz. It made me feel so good to help so many babies in Wyatts name.

Celeste said...

I also donated milk after the stillbirth of my son. It was an exhausting schedule of pumping, but it helped keep us focused and strong those first few weeks. It was an amazing experience, and I am so fortunate to have had the chance to do something like that. I only got about 230 ounces of breastmilk before I stopped pumping, and I am so amazed at your 400 ounces. You are an inspiration, and I am really glad to have read your story. Take care, and I'm sorry for your loss.

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