Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Mom to Pania Kylie McBrydie
Lost February 21st, 2009 at 19 weeks 4 days
Rockingham, Western Australia

On the 21st of February 2009 our baby girl grew her wings.  The day before our nightmare began when I went for a routine scan at 19wk 3days. I had arrived at the clinic 30 minutes early because I was so exited.  I was taken through almost straight away as they where running on time. I sat up on the table and the ultrasound began, I knew straight away something did not look right my heart started to sink but there was a strong heart beat and kept telling myself that with all medical breakthroughs there are today that they would be able to fix it. I was wrong.

The ultrasound technician told me that the baby was a little girl then she said she had to talk to the senior doctor as there was something not quite right. I became very worried but it still did not cross my mind that I might lose my precious baby.  An older man walked in and introduced  himself and then told me my baby was not going to survive and that we needed to terminate.  I sat there in stunned shocked silence I could not believe what I was hearing, I thought there must be a mistake and asked him to say it again. That's when it hit me, I just started to cry. I was led out to a private waiting room so they could ring my Dr and write up the report, I rang my husband while I waited and fell apart. 
I then had to drive myself back to my Dr's office which was 45Min's away to meet him and my husband there to discuss our options.  There weren't many options, my Dr got 3 different Dr's opinions and they all said the same thing, that the baby was not going to survive and we had to terminate the pregnancy sooner rather than later. We went home not knowing what to do, whether to terminate the pregnancy now or to let nature do it later and put our baby through more pain and suffering. Later that day we rang the Dr and told him we had decided to terminate.  He then booked us into the hospital for 6am the next morning.
That afternoon I rang my mum in tears, she was 700kms away at the time and asked her to come as I needed her.That night was the worst night of my life, to feel your baby move for the first time the night before you had to say goodbye just destroys your heart, I spent the in-tyre night crying. Mum drove all night and arrived at 4am, just before my husband and I had to leave for the hospital. She means the world to me and a girl just needs her mum in times like these. And it gave me peace of mind to know that my other 3 children where with someone they loved while I was away.
After arriving at the hospital I was given the drugs needed to induce me but my body wanted to hold onto the baby and it took 16 hour and the last lot of drugs that they could give me before I went into labour. When the labour started I started to shake uncontrollably, I don't know why, I think it was because I was so scared and tired. Just before midnight Pania was born with her wings. She was the most beautiful baby and my husband and I cuddled our lifeless baby girl then handed her over to the midwife who took photos then hand and foot prints. We stayed in the hospital till the morning and went home.Leaving the hospital I felt so cheated, I had walked into the hospital pregnant, went through labour then walked out with out my baby. Our lives will never be the same and our innocents is forever lost.

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Anonymous said...

Sally, thank you for sharing. I too terminated my pregnancy due to a fatal medical diagnosis. The experience is unexplainable. I wish you peace and gentle days to come...

Anonymous said...

may i ask what the medical condition was? and what were the consequences if you continued and let nature take its course?

specules said...

My heart goes out to you. What a soul-wrenching ordeal. (Hugs)

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