Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Olivia

Ectopic Pregnancy November 2007

Miscarriage March 2009

Early Miscarriage December 2010

Manteca, California

I am the face of Ectopic Pregnancy and Miscarriage BUT now I'm also the face of Early Miscarriage. 

Dec. 12.2010 I decided to take a pregnancy test to ease my thoughts on me being late. I was only a week late but with the medicine the doctors gave me for my type 2 diabetes,I was having my period every month. So I used a test that came with my ovulation kit. I waited for 15 minutes before I actually looked at it and it was a light positive. So I took another one again an light positive.So I emailed my friend a picture of the test and asked "does this mean I'm pregnant?" She sent me a email with a big smiley face and said YUP. 

So I decided to go by a name brand one just to make sure and it too said POSITIVE. I was in shock and all the fears came flooding in. It has been 1 year and 9 months since our miscarriage. So I called the doctors right away and they got me in. I did a pregnancy test for them and it said what the other three said..I'm Pregnant. I was really excited but just scared. I went home and was undecided about telling my husband,I didn't want to get him excited just in case something happened.  I couldn't help myself and I told him.  

He was very excited.  We started talking about moving into a bigger place.  Names we had picked out on our last pregnancy and just things that parents talk about.  A week went by I went to work I was feeling the normal tiredness,sick to my stomach feeling.  Then one day at work I got this big cramp and it scared me.  But I was almost done with work so I just stuck it out. When I got home I noticed spotting so I called the emergency hotline and they told me to go into the emergency.  I just had this sudden fear.  I didnt want to go through losing another baby.  My husband had to work, he wanted to go with me but I told him we need the money for the baby I will call him if I need him.  He hated that I was sending him to work but he needed to go.  So I had my mom take me.  She was worried too, it was all over her face.I kept saying I'm fine..I'm fine.Its just the baby growing thats all.  He/She is making room cause he/she is growing.  I should have been 7 weeks.I know the baby is super small still but I wanted to make myself feel better. 

As soon as they called me in they asked me the normal questions. How many pregnancies? How many living? I hate getting that look after I say 2 pregnancies before this one and no living children. They rushed me back and did blood work. The blood work came back saying that my HCG levels were really low.  So low they didnt consider me 7 weeks. They said it was to early for a ultrasound, there wouldnt be anything on the screen cause I was still to early. They sent me home and said if I continue to spot go back. 

I was worried all night. I cried and I prayed.  I stopped praying after I lost my other pregnancy. But I just wanted this baby to be fine.  So I called the doctors-- they got me in first thing.  They looked over my paperwork and said they feel I'm having what they call a early miscarriage.  I held in my tears.  I didnt want to give up so I asked to do blood work just in hopes my levels would go up.  The doctor agreed and gave me paper work to do three sets of blood work.  By the time I made it to the third set of blood work I started miscarrying on my own.  I went and did the last set of blood work even though I knew I had just lost my baby.  

I was heartbroken for the third time.  I didnt get why this happened.  I have been taking care of myself, mentally and physically.  I'm a stronger person that I was before. I just dont get why. My last set of blood work said my levels dropped back down to 0. So I asked the doctors when can I start to try again.  She told me as soon as I'm mentally ready. I said ok.  With her approval I started taking my diabetic medicine again [[which I found out when I got pregnant that it helps diabetic woman ovulate.  Its what they give diabetic woman who are trying to get pregnant]], I started charting everything, I started using my ovulation kits again.  I just finished with my first cycle after my miscarriage.  I hope I get pregnant soon and this time it will be a keeper.I'm not losing hope,never going to lose hope.

You can read Olivia's story of ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage here.