Thursday, October 7, 2010

Story of HOPE

Amy and Mike Laird
Angel baby miscarried 04/15/02

My angel baby was miscarried between 6-7 weeks on April 15, 2002, for reasons unknown.  I am currently diagnosed with infertility. 

After holding my feelings in for so long, I've recently discovered an organization called Angels of Hope .  Angels of Hope is a organization that gifts grants to help pay for funeral/burial costs and also to help infertile couples pay for fertility treatments.  They also just had a fundraising 5K walk/run.

I have chosen to work and serve with Angels of Hope in order to channel my energy and help my grief process.  It helps me to be involved.   I have been sitting on my emotions for a very long time and it's time that I work my grief out.  I've been suffering with anxiety/depression long enough and now I need to channel that grief into something worthwhile!   The guilt I have of not being able to give my husband a child disturbs me everyday.  I do not know how to rid myself of this guilt.  The thought of not having a family ~ my dream since I was a little girl is devastating!  However, I have to find a way to deal this.  

There are only about 100 or so Angels of Hope throughout the US.  We have an Angel of Hope in a nearby community that has bricks engraved with with angel names as a memorial.  My husband and I purchased a brick with our 'Angel Baby's' name on it as a way to honor and show support for this organization.
I have been inspired by other women that have been through miscarriages or babies born asleep (stillbirth).  Their strength is amazing.  I read their stories, which brings me hope (even though it's been 8 years since my experience).   I also try to encourage others who have recently experienced miscarriage ~ especially as I can relate to this loss.

A bible verse that speaks to me is Jeremiah 29:11-paraphrased, "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, "plans to give you hope and future..."

Right now it is just me, my husband and our dog . . . learning to deal with the fact that this is all it's ever going to be.

You can find more of Amy's story on Faces.


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