Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Samantha

Mom to Grace Elizabeth Lynn Mitchell

September 17th, 2010

London, Ontario, Canada

When Steven and I found out we were pregnant. It was a surprise, but not one of those surprises where your mind wanders in a million places not knowing what to do. We looked at each other smiled and told each other everything would be ok. Telling our parents, family and friends was very nerve wracking not knowing what the reactions would be. Pleased to know everyone was very happy and supportive.

My pregnancy progressed very fast, doing everything right. Taking my vitamins, getting rest and limiting stress as much as possible. Our doctors’ appointments were always the funniest, knowing that each one was one step closer to getting to meet our bundle of joy. When we found out that we were having a beautiful baby girl. We were so excited, began our future planning. We picked out a perfect name for her, Grace Elizabeth Lynn, my due date was September.24th, 2010.

Getting into my third trimester everything was moving smoothly and perfect. Finishing touches to Grace's room were made; my baby girl was grower bigger and bigger. Sunday September. 12, 2010 I made a video of Grace dancing up a storm. I like to think she was excited and letting us know she is happy. I sent it to Steven because he was on nights and I wanted him to see and experience the excitement too.  Grace had always been a mover I don’t remember a time where she wasn’t moving, I always made jokes about me being a dance studio. Monday she was barely moving as the day and night went on to Tuesday and Wednesday there was no movement. I began to get worried Steven and I looked up and asked around no movement was common because being so close to due date there wasn’t really a lot of room.

I couldn’t handle it anymore nights became sleepless and I knew there wasn’t something right. We asked for an ultra sound on Friday september.17th. As we walked down this long hallway, taking deep breaths and feeling my knees shake. In hopes that I was just over thinking this and next Friday on the 24th I would be holding my perfect baby girl. When I heard the words, "we are sorry but there is no heartbeat", my body became numb and I closed my eyes and when I opened my eyes it was just a dream. The doctor had told us we lost Grace due to Placental problems; my placenta separating too soon from my uterine wall. But it wasn't a dream, we had lost baby Grace. After we had discussed our options, I was admitted and had Grace at 1:58pm. She was everything we hoped for and so much more. We had a funeral ceremony for our baby and a very emotional balloon release, as much as it was a very hard goodbye, it was a see you in the future.  Planning to say goodbye to my child was never something I thought was even possible.

It will be a month on Sunday, and losing Grace is still extremely hard and I have no idea how to handle it. All I know is that I want to help other women who have lost their child. You never know how common and realistic something is until it happens to you. This has taught me never to take life for granted, and to cherish what you do have. Grace will always be our first child and will always have a special place in our heart.

We love you forever and always monkey, see you again. Mommy and daddy love you dearly.

You can contact Samantha at samantha.lajoie@gmail.com