Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Nycole

Mom to Catherine Lynn Kaat, Born and died January 2nd, 2005

Dakota and Adrianne Kaat, June 18th & 20th

Sheboygan, Wisconsin

I found out I was pregnant with Catherine when I was 15, she was my first child. I didn’t find out till I was already 12 weeks pregnant with her, and at first I had planned on giving her up for adoption. When I was 20 weeks pregnant with her, I went into false labor, and she ended up dropping into the birth canal. 

 For the next 7 weeks I was on bed rest. At 2:00 am on Jan 2, I had contractions again. I didn’t know I was having them since I was only 15, my first pregnancy, and it felt like I had gas, or like I was constipated. My mom called the hospital and they said if I wasn’t bleeding not to come in. While my mom was on the phone, I ended up delivering her in our bathroom. Only two pushes and she were out. My water never broke, so she drowned. I got to the hospital and the doctors straight out said there was nothing they could do. They didn’t even try.  It’s been 5 and a half years since I said good-bye, and there isn’t a day I don’t think of her, and wonder what life would have been like if she would have made it.

 My twins Dakotah and Adrianne I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I lost them at 8 weeks. I was being my best friend’s birthing coach when I lost my the one twin, and was helping my friend settle in with her son when I lost the second twin. I was trying to get pregnant with them, but I was told it would take 6 months to a year for me to get pregnant with stopping the shot, and got pregnant three months later. Again I was devastated, but I never really knew I was pregnant. I have dreams of having all four of my kids living, but dream’s aren’t reality, and doesn’t fill that hole in my heart.