Mom to Two Angel Babies
Lost February 3rd, 2010 at 4 weeks 4 days
and April 9th, 2010 at 8 weeks 3 days
My husband and I got married in April of 2009 and because we were both over 35, we decided to start trying to have a baby right away. I went off birth control in May and we started trying in July of 09. I really didn't think I would have any trouble conceiving, as I have a daughter from a previous relationship, although she was 18 years old at the time and I realized that my age might bring more complications.
After 6 months of no success, I called and made an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). I knew that time was not on our side and I wanted to be proactive and make sure there weren't any issues. We had our initial consult and were planning to have testing done the next month, when to our amazement I found out I was pregnant. I was so elated - lucky cycle # 7!! I had gotten pregnant with my daughter in January as well and I thought it was a sign.
Right off though I felt uneasy and I called my OB and asked for a beta blood test to see what my number was to determine whether the pregnancy seemed viable. It was 40, which was ok for how far along I was and so I tried to relax. On the following Monday I took another pregnancy test and saw that there was barely a second line there. I freaked out and called the Dr. They told me that as long as I saw a line, everything was fine. I knew better though. I called back and insisted on a second beta. It had fallen to 12 - which meant I was losing the baby. On Thursday I miscarried and was I completely heartbroken.
The next month we had the testing done with the RE and everything came back fine for both my husband and I. To our shock and delight we became pregnant again that very next month!! I knew several couple who also had losses and then went on the get pregnant right away and have healthy babies, I thought that would be our story as well. Our prayers had been answered - or so I thought. I called the RE and this time I wanted my follow-up care to be done through them. I had 2 betas and the numbers doubled nicely - just as they wanted to see. I had my first ultrasound at 5w6d. They saw a fetal sac and gestational sac - they told me I might be too early to see the heartbeat and for me it was. I tried not to worry, but something in my mind kept telling me we could and should have seen it.
The weekend of Easter I couldn't shake this bad feeling. I kept checking my breasts and they didn't feel as firm or as sore as they had been. On the one hand I tried to tell myself it was nothing and that everything was fine. But, then thoughts of doubt would creep into my mind and I would hear the Dr. telling me there was no heartbeat at our next ultrasound. My husband tried to reassure me, but by Easter Sunday I was beside myself.
On Monday, the day after Easter, we went for my 2nd scheduled ultrasound at 7w6d, after this appointment I was supposed to "graduate" to my OB. Once in the room I felt terrified, the tech didn't say anything for a long time, then she finally said she wanted to get my husband. I knew, I just knew it was over. When she brought him in she turned the monitor towards us and showed us our baby on the screen, then she pointed and said this is where the heartbeat should be and that there wasn't one. She also said the baby was measuring at 6 weeks, when it should have been almost 8. I knew this was coming, but at the same time I couldn't believe it. How could this be happening to me? Again.
They told me I could wait to miscarry naturally or I could have a D&C. My husband and I went home and wrestled with that decision. Ultimately, we decided I should have the D&C. I didn't think I could just wait around for it to happen, being pregnant, but not pregnant at the same time, in limbo for an unknown amount of time. There was also the issue of experiencing the actual miscarriage. I didn't think I could handle seeing what I might see with a natural miscarriage - possibly seeing the sac with the baby inside. So I had a D&C on April 9th, when the baby would have been 8w3d.
My RE did the D&C and I requested that the baby's tissue be tested to see if they could determine a reason for why I miscarried. They told me they might not be able to tell anything, but I said I wanted it done anyway. They were able to see that the baby had a a chromosomal issue, Trisomy 16, meaning having 3 number 16 chromosomes (instead of 2). I was told this was "incapable with life." They said that Trisomy 16 was the most common cause of first trimester miscarriages and that it was not necessarily age related and it was definitely not genetic (passed on my my husband or I).
They were also able to tell me that my second angel baby was a girl. News that was all the more devastating to me, but news that I felt I needed to know.
I wanted to share my story because I want my babies to be remembered as the precious gifts from God that they were.