Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Laura

Mummy to Lacey Jai Hughes

August 25th, 2010

England

When I found out I was pregnant, it was a big shock as I was just 19 at the time. I have grown up around young children and have always loved them.

Through being pregnant I had no morning sickness at all just HUGE cravings of chocolate cake, YUM!
I didn't really enjoy being pregnant towards the end as my bump was rather big. I couldn't sleep properly, was always narky with family and felt I was on my own.

My first scan was amazing. I lay on the bed and the sonographer turned the screen round for me to have a look at my little baby. It was kicking around so much, I loved it. I found it so strange because I couldn't feel a thing. I got 11 pictures printed off to show my family what was growing inside me.

My second scan was even more eventful. As the sonographer put the handheld fob on my tummy, my baby was lying on its stomach. ever so cute. Me and my mum were giggling a lot. They told me to lie on my side to see if the baby would turn around but no hope. So I lay back down straight and they tilted the bed to see if that worked. Finally, we got a little wiggle and the baby lay on its back. She checked its length and all they had to do and then the moment I had been waiting for all day. She asked me if I wanted to know what sex the baby was. Straight away, even before she had finished saying what she had to I jumped straight away and said YES! Your having a little baby GIRL! Excitement was not the word, the smile on my face was so big, my muscles in my face were hurting an hour later.

So straight away I went shopping for all my little baby's pink frilly dresses and tiny little pink shoes.

My due date came and went.

Then finally, on the 24th August, 1 week over my due date, at 6.00am my waters broke and straight away, the contractions started!  I phoned the hospital and they told me to go in to be checked over. I got to the hospital at 7.15am. A midwife came in to examine me and she said i was 3cm. So they sent me back home at 11am. I was back in at 12am as the pain was unbearable! So they strapped me up to the monitor and I listened my little Lacey's heartbeat for what seemed like a week. The midwife came back in to see how I was doing and she examined me again. I was 4cm so she took me down to a delivery room. Labour was rather funny because I was high on gas and air and diamorphine!

Everything was going perfect. It got to 11.25pm and I had stopped dilating at 8cm, so they put me on a drip of pitocin and by 11.45pm I was ready to push. As I was pushing another midwife came in to see how we were all doing. She looked how far down the birth canal Lacey was and saw that I needed to be cut!!! Not exactly the nicest thing to be done but oh well, if it was going to get me my baby then I did not care in the slightest. I was cut and my little girls head was born straight away.The monitor was still beeping away with Lacey's heartbeat. They asked me did I want to feel her head but I got another strong contraction and had to push her out.

They lifted her on to me and wiped her down. Then all of a sudden the cut her cord and took her away from me. I was in total shock as I did not know what the hell was happening. Why have they took her away, why is she not crying, What is happening to my baby!!! No-one was telling me anything. Then I looked over to the corner of the room and there was my baby, in the hands of a doctor trying to resuscitate her! What was going on, everything was fine a couple of seconds ago and now this. It felt like FOREVER and then the doctor came over to me and said "we're so sorry Laura, there's nothing we can do. Shes gone!" WHAT!!! my perfect little Lacey has gone! I screamed for them to give her to me and they wrapped her up in a towel and brought her over to me. She was absolutely perfect in every single way. I could not believe what was going on. At any moment I just expected her to wake up and start crying.

I spent four days in hospital with Lacey. I dressed her and she slept in the bed with me. Handing her over was something I just did not want to do! It was so hard. but I knew I had to do it.

I love my little baby girl so much and miss her every single day. She was and still is my life and my everything!

You can contact Laura at xx-Laura-Hughes-xx@hotmail.co.uk