Thursday, September 30, 2010

Mommy to baby miscarried July 2006
Mommy to baby miscarried December 2006
Mommy to baby girl miscarried March 2007
Monterey, California

My husband and I had been married for four years.  We had dodged questions for years of "when are you guys going to have kids?!".  We were just never ready.  We had always taken the right precautions to prevent pregnancy, and knew that when the time was right, we would start trying for a baby.  That time was our fourth wedding anniversary.  To our complete surprise, we learned we were pregnant right away.  We were so excited! I never believed in a million years it would happen on the first try.  We shared the news with friends and family, and carried on day to day with a huge smile on our faces. 
Everything was text book.  I had my first ultrasound at 7 weeks and our baby measured right on time and we got to hear the beautiful heartbeat sound.  At 9 weeks, I began to bleed - a lot.  I knew something was not right.  Within a couple hours of the bleeding beginning, I had awful cramps.  I really knew something was wrong.  My husband and I went straight to the ER.  While there they told us our baby had passed away and I would miscarry naturally.  It was the most painful night of my life knowing that I would basically be giving birth to my dead baby. 

After the loss of our first child, I didn't want to try again immediately.  We waited about 2 months and got pregnant after the 3rd month of trying.  I was very cautious this time and didn't tell anyone but close family.  To our dismay, I began bleeding at 5.5 weeks and lost our baby.  I was absolutely heartbroken.  I couldn't understand why this was happening to us.  At this time, my OB referred me to a specialist to run some tests on my husband and I to see if there was anything wrong.  Everything came back completely normal although he recommended IVF for us.  I didn't understand why we would have to do IVF if we were completely fine?!

As we were dealing with the loss of our two babies, I found out I was pregnant again within 2 months of the last miscarriage.  This time I was EXTREMELY careful not to overdo it or tell anyone too soon.  We had an ultrasound at 6.5 week and heard our babies heartbeat.  It was beautiful.  We had another one at 8.5 weeks and our baby was doing wonderful.  We were scheduled for one more ultrasound at 10.5 weeks before I was released out of the care of the specialist back to my regular OB.  I was so terrified that morning, as I had never made it that far in a pregnancy.  I had been feeling great - no bleeding, no cramps - everything was great. The ultrasound tech was pregnant and due the exact same day as I was, so we were chatting about our excitement before she began the ultrasound.  As she moved the wand around, I could tell something wasn't right.  She placed her hand on mine and said "I'm so sorry.  There is no heartbeat".  I cried like I had never cried before.  I apologized to my husband for losing our third baby.  He said nonsense and assured me it wasn't my fault, but I felt as though it was.  I was sent for a D&C 2 days later and learned it was a girl and she had trisomy 15 - a third chromosome on the 15th chromosome and had died very shortly after my last ultrasound at 8.5 weeks.

After losing three babies in less than a year, I was terrified to get pregnant again.  I questioned everything I had done during my pregnancies and wondered if I would ever be a mother.  We decided to get a second opinion from another specialist who looked over all my previous tests.  He confirmed nothing was wrong with me, but that we were just having horrible luck. He said my last loss was most definitely a result of ovulating a "bad" egg and he wanted to put me on a very low dose of the fertility medication "Clomid".  Although the primary use of this medication is to make women ovulate, I obviously wasn't having that problem.  But, he believed the medication could make a "better hormone environment" for my ovaries and in return, hopefully ovulate a "good" egg.  So, I began a very low dose of that on my fourth attempt at trying to become a mom.  For 3 months I did not get pregnant.  I felt as though my world was crashing around me when I would think of the three babies I had lost.  The 4th month of trying to conceive, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.  I didn't even feel excitement - just fear.

My fourth pregnancy began just as uneventful as my third, but that was still not assuring for me, as I had no signs of symptoms with our last miscarriage.  At only 6.5 weeks pregnant, I began to feel horrible cramping and knew exactly what was happening.  I called my doctor who told me to come in immediately.  I left work and called my husband who was unfortunately unable to leave work to meet me there.  He tried to keep me calm, but I just broke down.  When I arrived at the doctors office, they brought me right in for an ultrasound.  As my doctor began, I looked up at the monitor and let out a scream - I saw not one, but TWO babies on the monitor.  My doctor said "yes, its twins, and lets listen to their heartbeats".  I was now pregnant with my 4th AND 5th child.  30 weeks later I gave birth to two beautiful healthy baby girls and became the mother I had only dreamed of being. 

I am the face of recurrent loss, but I hope my story is inspiring to other women in my situation to know that it is still very possible to have a happy ending when you think there possibly can't be one.  If my story can put a smile on one woman's face, I will be forever grateful for that. 

You can contact Jocelyn at


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