Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Haley

Mom to Baby #1, miscarried at 5 weeks on June 13th, 2010

and Baby #2, miscarried at 5 weeks on July 16th, 2010

Vancouver, WA

We have been trying to have another child for almost a year now. I was so excited when I saw that second line on the pregnancy test - finally! A week later, I began spotting but thought nothing of it, this happened with my first pregnancy with no complications. The next day, we were about to share the news with my family, and I went to the bathroom to find out that I was bleeding. I knew right away that I was having a miscarriage. The cramping and bleeding got worse, and when I got to the doctor's office the ultrasound did not show a sac. My hcg level was a 4 - barely anything. I felt completely drained for the next couple of weeks, my hormones were all over the place and I had horrible migraines. I was devastated, and scared that something was wrong with me. My husband didn't say much, except that he was sad.

 

The next time I got a positive pregnancy test, a month later, I was in disbelief. I felt the pain of my previous miscarriage start to fade away, as I was hopeful that this baby would be the baby I would get to take home. Exactly a week later, I started bleeding again, and knew that I was having a second early miscarriage.

 

To me it didn't matter that my losses were early, they were still a deep, and significant loss. The loss of a sibling for my son, the completion of our family, and a dream. I don't know what the future holds for our family, but I have to be hopeful that one day I will be blessed with another healthy baby.