Thursday, August 19, 2010

Mom to BOJ (Bundle of Joy), 9 weeks, April 2006
Ada, full term, August 9th, 2007
Baby, 7 weeks, January 2010
Benjamin, 23 weeks, July 29th, 2010
Ventura, CA

In my circle of friends and acquaintances, I know four women who have lost a total of five children in the second trimester. I know of at least two others who are friends of friends. I know many more who have miscarried in the first trimester and at least three (one of whom was my grandmother) who have had their baby die within hours or days of being born. 

I have been pregnant four times. I have one beautiful daughter. My son, Benjamin, was stillborn at 23 weeks gestation on July 29, 2010 during emergency surgery to save my life. My first and third pregnancies were both first trimester miscarriages.The miscarriages were hard, but losing Benjamin has shaken me to the core.

I remember hearing the stories of loss and feeling fear, hoping it would never be me. It is me. This is now my life, my reality. Here it is, here I am, learning how to live life after Benjamin.

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Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry for all of your losses. I love the name Benjamin, and planned to use it for 2 of our pregnancies (1 we lost, 1 ended up our Hannah). We lost our Jordan at 10 weeks. If there's anything I can do for you, if you'd like a friend or an ear, please don't hesitate to contact me through my blog.

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