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Cara
Mom to Reid
April 3rd, 2010
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
We started trying to have a second child in January 2009. It took seven months to conceive but once I got that positive pregnancy test, everything was fine. I was semi-miserable for the 1st trimester and more than semi-miserable for the 3rd trimester, but it was just discomfort and exhaustion from growing a big baby and chasing a toddler around. We didn't know the baby's gender as DH wanted to be surprised. I was trying a for a VBAC delivery and working to convince this baby to not be posterior like its big sister. We knew that the baby was going to be big (Our first was 9 lb 4 oz) but I was doing massage therapy and acupuncture in order to try to go into labor before the scheduled c-section on April 14th.
I was thrilled when my water broke while I was making supper on Good Friday, April 2. I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I called my doula and started making arrangements for someone to watch D for the next few days. (Our parents all live at least 9 hours away and some of our friends were away for the Easter holiday.) We thought it would take a while to go into labor so I had no plans to rush to the hospital. We ate supper and I sent DH to the grocery store to get some goodies because I knew I wouldn't be eating once we went to the hospital. I ended up going into labor much faster than expected and by 8 pm we were on the way to the hospital with me yelling in the back seat.
We got to the hospital and I was 5 cm dilated. I am not really sure about the time line after that, what with being in labor and all that, but I think I started pushing before 11 pm. I begged for drugs a few times but made it to fully dilated with just gas and the shower. Everything was fine with my vitals and the baby's heartbeat the entire time. I ended up doing most of the pushing sitting on the toilet (very glamorous, but when you're in pain labor, you do what you gotta do). After 2 hours of nearly constant contractions and pushing, there was very little progress and the decision to do a c-section was made. I felt better about this c-section than the last one as at least I had gotten to really try to deliver naturally.
I got wheeled into an operating room and shortly after got my spinal. Once that kicked in, I was on cloud nine. No more pain and about to meet my baby. I was making jokes with the nurses and the baby was moving around enough that they could see my belly move from across the room. I do remember thinking “what's taking so long to get started” but there was no big rush as I was now feeling fine and the baby hadn't shown any signs of distress. The surgery was completely normal and before too long the anesthetist told DH to stand up and see the baby. It was a boy and we just looked at each other in awe, we had a son, Reid. They took him over to the warming station to check him out but instead of a cry, we heard someone yelling “I can't get a heartbeat”. I was confused at first, I thought this guy was just useless, my baby has a perfect heartbeat, why couldn't he find it? Then it started to sink in and I started to panic and beg for my baby to just be okay. Of course he wasn't.
The whole time I was strapped to the table while they were working on Reid was awful, I was trapped and helpless and started shivering uncontrollably. After 24 minutes, they declared Reid dead and we could finally see him. DH held him and we both just looked at Reid and cried. By the time they finished my surgery, the doctors and nurses were crying too. I spent the whole time in recovery holding Reid and stroking his hands. He had red eyelashes which nearly killed me because DH is a red-head and I have always wanted to have a red-headed baby. The nurse weighed Reid and he was a whopping 9 lbs 14 oz and all nearly 10 lbs of him was perfect. Our doula took a few pictures but I had no idea about NILMDTS and what they could do so we said no to calling a photographer.(Oh how I regret that now.) DH couldn't bring himself to hold Reid again and so I don't have any pictures of DH with his son either. We were just in so much shock that it never occurred to us to bring in his clothes and dress him and take more pictures.
The next 2 and half days were spent in a fog of painkillers and crying. There were no answers as to why Reid died, nothing was visibly wrong with him or the placenta. I got visits everyday from both the GP who was with me during labor and the OB who did the surgery. They were both clearly devastated by our loss. Our GP made 2 trips to the hospital so see us even though she was not working the rest of the weekend. My parents arrived late Saturday and came to see me. The three of us went to see Reid but he was already cold and turning blue and I couldn't pick him up again. I was discharged Monday morning and finally went home to see my daughter and start life without our son.
I was thrilled when my water broke while I was making supper on Good Friday, April 2. I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I called my doula and started making arrangements for someone to watch D for the next few days. (Our parents all live at least 9 hours away and some of our friends were away for the Easter holiday.) We thought it would take a while to go into labor so I had no plans to rush to the hospital. We ate supper and I sent DH to the grocery store to get some goodies because I knew I wouldn't be eating once we went to the hospital. I ended up going into labor much faster than expected and by 8 pm we were on the way to the hospital with me yelling in the back seat.
We got to the hospital and I was 5 cm dilated. I am not really sure about the time line after that, what with being in labor and all that, but I think I started pushing before 11 pm. I begged for drugs a few times but made it to fully dilated with just gas and the shower. Everything was fine with my vitals and the baby's heartbeat the entire time. I ended up doing most of the pushing sitting on the toilet (very glamorous, but when you're in pain labor, you do what you gotta do). After 2 hours of nearly constant contractions and pushing, there was very little progress and the decision to do a c-section was made. I felt better about this c-section than the last one as at least I had gotten to really try to deliver naturally.
I got wheeled into an operating room and shortly after got my spinal. Once that kicked in, I was on cloud nine. No more pain and about to meet my baby. I was making jokes with the nurses and the baby was moving around enough that they could see my belly move from across the room. I do remember thinking “what's taking so long to get started” but there was no big rush as I was now feeling fine and the baby hadn't shown any signs of distress. The surgery was completely normal and before too long the anesthetist told DH to stand up and see the baby. It was a boy and we just looked at each other in awe, we had a son, Reid. They took him over to the warming station to check him out but instead of a cry, we heard someone yelling “I can't get a heartbeat”. I was confused at first, I thought this guy was just useless, my baby has a perfect heartbeat, why couldn't he find it? Then it started to sink in and I started to panic and beg for my baby to just be okay. Of course he wasn't.
The whole time I was strapped to the table while they were working on Reid was awful, I was trapped and helpless and started shivering uncontrollably. After 24 minutes, they declared Reid dead and we could finally see him. DH held him and we both just looked at Reid and cried. By the time they finished my surgery, the doctors and nurses were crying too. I spent the whole time in recovery holding Reid and stroking his hands. He had red eyelashes which nearly killed me because DH is a red-head and I have always wanted to have a red-headed baby. The nurse weighed Reid and he was a whopping 9 lbs 14 oz and all nearly 10 lbs of him was perfect. Our doula took a few pictures but I had no idea about NILMDTS and what they could do so we said no to calling a photographer.(Oh how I regret that now.) DH couldn't bring himself to hold Reid again and so I don't have any pictures of DH with his son either. We were just in so much shock that it never occurred to us to bring in his clothes and dress him and take more pictures.
The next 2 and half days were spent in a fog of painkillers and crying. There were no answers as to why Reid died, nothing was visibly wrong with him or the placenta. I got visits everyday from both the GP who was with me during labor and the OB who did the surgery. They were both clearly devastated by our loss. Our GP made 2 trips to the hospital so see us even though she was not working the rest of the weekend. My parents arrived late Saturday and came to see me. The three of us went to see Reid but he was already cold and turning blue and I couldn't pick him up again. I was discharged Monday morning and finally went home to see my daughter and start life without our son.
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1 comments:
Cara,
I have read much of your blog. In one of your blogs you wrote that you hoped someday you would help someone too. You have. Our stories have some similarities: mostly that when they took my baby out during my emergency c-section there was nothing, no cry, no doctors yelling, just silence. They sewed me up and moved us to the recovery room. Then they came to tell us our son didn't make it. Yesterday it was 8 weeks since I became a DBM. I'm still in shock. ms_missy007@yahoo.com
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