Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Mom to Aiden William
November 2nd, 2010
Sugar Land, Texas

In the words of my niece Kayla Marie...."my whole life!" My whole life all I've ever wanted to be is a wife and a mother. I have the best husband in the world. I was so so close to having my perfect baby boy here with me. Here is his story......

My husband and I have been trying to conceive our first baby since April 2009. I have had 2 miscarriages since then- one at 8 weeks and another at 5 weeks. I was diagnosed with an MTHFR gene mutation and placed on baby aspirin and Folgard- we found out within weeks that I was pregnant again and the baby was due on Thanksgiving day. We said this was our miracle baby!  At our 20 week ultrasound we found out we were having a little boy and couldn't have been happier.  We spent the next few months preparing for him, talking and reading to him, and watching him move all over the place in my belly.  We were in love! 

After a completely smooth pregnancy I went in for a normal checkup on November 2nd. I knew that Aiden hadn't been moving a lot but I thought it was because he didn't have much room since we were getting so close to the end. After 2 nurses and my OB tried to find his heartbeat with no luck they took me to do an ultrasound and my OB along with another doctor confirmed my worst fears. My baby boy who we were supposed to meet in 3 weeks was gone. I have never felt such pain in my life. I have never cried so many tears in my life.  I have never felt an emptiness and sadness like what I felt that day ever in my life.  My heart was super broken.....
My husband and I spent the rest of the day in labor and delivery and my perfect boy was delivered at 8:16 pm. He weighed 4 lbs. 15 oz and was 18 inches long. He was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. We stayed with him for a long time that night and my sister and mother got to see and hold him too. One of my best memories is my husband holding him and singing a Bob Marley song to him. The other is being able to kiss his head and hold his perfect little hand.

I spent about a month blaming myself for the loss of our son. I came up with every reason in the world that I had caused this. I had a lot of sleepless nights. Then we found out that Aiden had a marginal cord insertion- his umbilical cord was on the edge of my placenta instead of in the middle. This made it easier for his cord to be disrupted. He also had signs of a blood clot in his cord. It wasn't my fault. I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders but at the same time still so sad.  I didn't hurt him thank God....but he was still gone.....

Although Aiden's story is painful my son has touched so many lives in his short time here on earth. God had an amazing plan for him! I have blessed to have so many people share awesome stories of hope and joy that have come to pass because of my precious little boy.

I love you forever and ever Aiden William!  You are my miracle angel baby!

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