Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Wendy

Suffered a Missed Miscarriage on March 13th, 2009

Wayne, NJ

My husband and I decided we were ready to have a baby back in November 08. We started trying and by the end of January, i found out i was pregnant!! We went to our first doctors appointment and found out we were 6 weeks along. We scheduled our first ultrasound for 8 weeks. So 2 weeks later we went back and saw our little peanut on the screen. The heartbeat was there and strong. We were so excited that we shared the news with a lot of people.

2 weeks later we were going away on vacation and i had a doctors appt the day before we were leaving. When i got there, i found out that they had overbooked my dr.(something the office ALWAYS did). I waited an hour for another doctor to see me. I wasnt very happy about this because I wanted my doctor, but i didnt have a choice. I finally got called in. I was seeing some doctor i didnt know. He did a Doppler on my belly, but there was no heartbeat. I must have asked him 100 times if that was ok and he INSISTED that it was and for me to go and have a great vacation. When we came back, we were scheduled for my 12 week ultrasound and I would see it was fine then. I left there feeling not so confident, but he was the doctor!

The morning of my 12 week scan came and my husband and I were so excited! We arrived at the hospital, checked in and waited. We got called into the room and the ultrasound began. The first thing the tech asked was when we had the last ultrasound and we told her it was 8 weeks. She looked at us, and said, "I'm so sorry, but your baby has died. It looks like it stopped growing at 8 weeks". We were in total shock. I broke down right there. She excused herself and told us she would go get a doctor. Some doctor came in and explained that I had what was called a missed miscarriage. The baby had passed inside me, but my body did not pass it. I kept asking how it was possible that my baby had passed at 8 weeks, but i had an ultrasound at 8 weeks there was a heartbeat! He said it must have passed right after. They sent me home and said that my doctor would be calling me shortly to go over my options...like I had any..

A few hours later, ANOTHER doctor from my practice called and said that because I had been carrying around a dead fetus for 4 weeks, we had to do a d & c the next morning.

That night and the next day was a blur. All i did was cry. I remember getting home after the d & c and feeling empty and numb. It was over, final...nothing left. I never even heard from my doctor...ever. Not even the doctor who told me everything was "fine"

I watched all these people around me having babies left and right with no issues..and i kept thinking...why me? What did I do? This experience has ripped any innocence of pregnancy that I had.

I left that doctors group immediately and found the most amazing doctor. He gave me the courage to try again and when i did get pregnant, he was my rock. If not for him, i dont know how i would have gotten through it all. I am now the mommy to a beautiful 5 month old baby girl. She is truly amazing. But there is not a day that goes by that I dont think of my sweet little angel in heaven. Mommy will always love you.

You can contact Wendy at wendyc616@yahoo.com