Monday, December 6, 2010

Mom to Mackenzie Violet Miller
August 27th, 2010 - August 28th, 2010
Rancho Cucamonga, California

Starting in December 2009, my husband and I started on the journey of using fertility shots to start our family. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome when I was 15-years-old, and I knew it would take some challenges to get pregnant. We did the fertility treatments for three months. In February 2010 I was on my third round of fertility treatments and the doctor’s were considering the treatments as they were taking longer than a month for my ovaries to mature. However, they decided to up the dosage I was getting and I had three mature eggs. 

A few weeks later I took a pregnancy test and after two failed tests with fertility treatments I was expecting another failed test.  However this test was positive. I was ecstatic!! I did not have a clue what was even in store for my husband and I. At five weeks pregnant I had an ultrasound and the doctor’s found two egg sacks and told us don’t worry one sack might disappear since we are checking too early. A week later I had another ultrasound and there were the two egg sacks. We were thrilled! I was so excited for my twins! 

During my first trimester I did not have any morning sickness and was only slightly tired. At my 12 week ultrasound one baby was definitely a boy and the other baby it was hard to see. Two days later we had another ultrasound and again there was definitely one boy and baby B was hard to see. So I thought we were having two boys. However, on June 28th on my 31st birthday I had a 19 week ultrasound and the doctor said the magic words, we were having a boy and a girl. I was thrilled!! My husband was thrilled but so nervous about having a girl. I was still having a wonderful pregnancy as I had never been happier in my life! During my August appointment with my doctor he suggested in a month I would be going out on bed rest as the twins might start getting further apart in their weights.

On August 26th I had a doctor’s appointment and the doctor confirmed my cervix was fully closed and everything was fine and both babies heart beats sounded good. I had also completed my glucose testing that week which was also normal. However, on August 27th, at 27 weeks pregnant at 5am as I was driving to work I felt cramps. By mid morning (9 am) I realized the cramps were not stopping and I was having more than four an hour so I drove to labor and delivery. When I arrived the cramps were full blown labor and my cervix was dilated to 5 ½ cms. This was not happening I was only 27 weeks pregnant. The nurses gave me all the medication to stop the labor; however, contractions were not stopping and both babies were breech. Thankfully, I did not have to have an emergency c-section but the doctor wanted me to have a c-section before my water broke. At 3:50 and 3:51 PM my babies were born.

I did not get to see my babies until the next morning on August 28th until 8 am. My babies were beautiful and looked exactly alike. Our daughter Mackenzie Violet weighed 2 pounds and our son Tyler weighed 2 pounds 7 ounces. I have never seen my husband so excited! We knew we had a long road ahead of us in the NICU but knew we would make it through.

However, that day took a turn for the worse; Mackenzie’s heart was not pumping oxygen to her brain and her heart was soft. They told us if she did live she was not getting oxygen to her brain or to her kidneys. The doctor’s said she would not make it and we had to say our good byes. What horrible pain this was. She was fine and made it through her first 24-hours of life, how could she not make it. Nothing made sense and everything happened so quickly. We told Mackenzie we loved her and would always love her as we held her little hand. The nurses took our daughter off the ventilator and all the machines she was attached to and let me hold her. Being in a wheelchair after the surgery I wheeled my daughter out to her family to introduce her to everyone. While being held by my husband Mackenzie died in his arms at 8:50 PM. She was a beautiful baby with perfect little features. The NICU nurse on staff that night laid our beautiful Mackenzie with her twin brother for them to say their good byes. My son Tyler has his own personal angel watching over him for ever and for always. 

We love you Mackenzie Violet!!!

You can contact Sheryl at


JoAnna said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I too have PCOS and am the mother of twins, only one of which we were able to bring home. My little 29 week survivor is named Tyler too. I know too well what it feels like to have your heart sing and scream at the same time. Love and Hope to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

oh wow, I am so sorry JoAnna for your loss also. It is so tough being happy and sad all at the same time. Love and hope to your family as well!!

Heather said...

I am terribly sorry for the loss of your daughter. I too was pregnant with twin boys in 2008. At 23wks I ruptured with my son Zac, but he held on for 5 weeks before he went in to distress and I had an emerg c-sec on Mar 6, 2009. Zac was 2lb 5.5ou and Evan 2lb 9ou. Zac passed away on Mar 9, 2009 due to many complications but the final blow was a catastrophic brain bleed on both sides. We also had to deal with having our son removed from all support where he passed away on my chest. My biggest regret...he never got to be beside his brother.
My thoughts are with you. I know how confusing it can be to deal with the joy and sorrow of raising a surviving twin yet aching for the loss of the other.

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