Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Mom to Taegan Kennedy
April 28th, 1999 - October 14th, 1999
Reston, Virginia

The day started out like any other "office" day. (I worked 2 days from home, and 3 days from the office.) It was the third day of Taegan's cold. She had slept through the night, and her cold seemed much better that morning. She had a 4 oz. bottle, then played with me on the bed for a while. She played and watched TV while I took my shower. Then I put her in our doorway jumper while I got ready for work. She was bouncing happily, and laughing at me brush my teeth (she got a real kick out of that).

I dropped her off at the child care home that morning, kissed her, and said "I love you, and I'll see you soon." Later that day, I stepped across the street to get something to bring back to eat, and once back in the office, I saw my voice mail light on. It was a hysterical message from Tanya, our child minder. She said Taegan stopped breathing, and to get to the hospital right away. I was thinking, "What does that mean? And why is she saying Taegan? Taegan is fine." I called my husband right away and told him to go to the wrong hospital, I'm not sure if I misunderstood, or just couldn't think straight. Once in my car, I called Tanya again, and she told me the correct hospital. She said Taegan was still not breathing when she left for the hospital.

Once at the hospital, I had to park far away, and I ran as fast as I could.. almost hyperventilated, I couldn't breath. I told the nurse my husband went to the wrong hospital, and she said he already called, the other hospital found Taegan's location, and he was on his way. She took me in to see Taegan. She looked so little on the table, with only her diaper on. She had a tube in her throat, and they were doing CPR. The told me it looked like SIDS. I knew nothing about SIDS. I held her hand, and was crying to her, "Mommy's here, please don't leave me!" then "This isn't happening, this just a bad dream!" I called my sister in NC, and we cried together. (We have no family the live close by.) My husband got there about 5 min. before they stopped CPR. We were allowed to hold her for a while after she died. We were in total shock. She still looked so beautiful. The only difference was the blue spots on her lips.

We had a viewing before the funeral. She still looked beautiful. It rained all day, appropriately. That was the last time we ever saw our beautiful angel. This makes no sense. She was so healthy and strong. We think she flipped to her tummy before she stopped breathing. But how do you keep an active 5 1/2 month old from rolling? Also, the child minder told us Taegan had an "unusual morning" because she didn't want her late morning bottle, and took no nap that morning. Both of those items were very unusual for Taegan. She finally went down for her nap around 1:00 PM, and never woke up. It is my goal to find out as much as I can about this monster called SIDS in the future. I still think about Taegan every day, and I know that won't change. Her Dad and I loved her so much. We miss her more than I can say. 

You can contact Sandy at sandylkennedy@hotmail.com 


Jenny said...

I am so sorry for your loss. SIDS/SUDC is a monster, there is nothing that can be done to stop a child from rolling. I think it just happens, its the only way i can make sense of it myself.

Sarah said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I lost my little girl, Amelia Nancy, to SIDS as well on December 21, 2009. She was almost 4 months old and completely healthy. I have also tried to find out everything I can about SIDS and hopefully more awareness can be raised so that more moms can know what to do to help prevent SIDS. Stay strong!

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