Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Mom to Oliver Tyler
July 29th, 2010
United Kingdom

On Monday the 26th July 10 my baby was quite active, I went to go for my nap around lunchtime, and the baby was kicking like mad, I laid in bed and felt a really big kick/odd movement, I remember thinking that was weird, I fell asleep and woke up at 2pm.  For the rest of the day i felt nothing but i had my ten movements and he had been active so i was not worried.  

The next day (27.07.10 my due date) I got up and went shopping, again because I was active they say you wont probably feel anything if your busy.  By the afternoon I thought it was odd that I still had not felt anything so I text a few people and they said it is just because there is not much room now and the baby is moving down so you wont feel it as much, but if concerned to call the maternity unit.  I called and they said to go straight to Labour ward.  

I arrived about 6pm on Tuesday 27.07.10, they listened for a heartbeat but was having difficulty locating it.  The midwife brought another senior midwife in and she also could not find anything, she said i'm going to be honest we cannnot find a heartbeat, but we will get a dr in and do a scan because we can then see blood flow on screen.  The dr came in and the scan was all grey, no colour and the baby was still.  The dr said I am so very sorry but your baby has died.  They then said they would get the consultant in to double check, but they were certain he had died.  They called my husband, and I just burst into tears.  The consultant confirmed my baby had died.

I then was given the option of going home and coming back in 48hrs, some people like to spend time saying goodbye, but I did not want to, I wanted to deliver him.  I stayed at my home and went back first thing the next morning Wednesday 28th July 10, I was induced and gave birth to my dear Oliver at 01.29 29th July 10.  My husband and I took some photo's and I cuddled him.  My husband was distraught it was so upsetting, we should of been cuddling a healthy baby boy and laughing and showing him off to everyone but instead, I was holding my dead baby, something that should never happen to anyone.  They took him away, and I saw him the next day to dress him and say my goodbye's.  My husband could not face seeing him again as it was too painful, so he held his head down and sat at the back of the room.  The midwife warned me that he would be cold, as he had been in the fridge!  the fridge!! I could not believe she said that, that was heartcrushing to know my son, my little baby boy was lying cold in a fridge, but I understood she had to warn me.  I am glad she did as when I then saw him, and touched his tiny hand it was stone cold, his little face was red/blue and he had the brightest red lips. The midwives helped me dress him in my favourite outfit I had for him, his little blanket cuddly bear was put with him, I cryed the whole way through, I cuddled him and then kissed him goodbye on the cheek, I then held his hand and did not want to let go, I did not want to part with him.  They took him away in the moses basket and me and my husband broke down.  I was discharged the next day.

The funeral was on 20th August 10, and I gave the funeral parlour some things to put in the coffin with him.  A photo of me and my husband from our wedding day, on the back i wrote mummy and daddy are here with you to keep you company, a cuddly bear, and blanket. The funeral thinking about it was upsetting we arrived with my parents and my husbands mum, I was ok until I saw the hurse driving up with this tiny white coffin in (so wrong), my husband carried his coffin to the grave and he was then laid to rest...

Oliver was our first baby and we will never ever forget him, he is forever in our hearts.

You can contact Nicole at madambition@hotmail.co.uk


Andrea said...

Thank you for sharing your story, it is beautiful and heartbreaking. I lost my son, also named Oliver, in May when I was 19 weeks. I will think of your Oliver, when I think of mine.

skytimes said...

Nicole, I am very sorry that Oliver can't be in your arms... Read your story with tears in my eyes... There's nothing to be said to ease the pain but I'm thinking of you & your husband.

Will light Sky's candle for Oliver tonight.

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