Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Jamilyn

Mom to

Dallin James, born at 27 weeks 

October 9th-16th, 2001

and Anthon McKay, stillborn at 25 weeks 

November 12th, 2009

My story began 9 years ago when I was having a very healthy pregnancy and enjoying how active my little guy was getting.  On October 4th, 2001 I was admitted to the hospital at 26 weeks gestation and found out I had Severe Pre-Eclampsia and HELLP.  I had no idea what these diseases were and I had never even heard of them.  

After having a great pregnancy upto this point I was thrown off so much by what my OB was telling me.  I was admitted and told I would be staying until I delivered and my goal would be to make it to 30 weeks.  4 days later on October 9th I had an Eclamptic Seizure and my Son was born at 27 weeks gestation weighing 1 pound 7 ounces and was 12 1/2 inches long.  He was such a fighter and I knew he was doing everything he could to make it for me to spend some time with.  I was still so sick after I had my little guy I was not able to see him very much those first few days.  6 days after he was born we found out he had a Severe Brain Hemorrhage that had now filled his entire Brain and the Doctors couldn't do anything for him at this point.  Just a week after he was born on October 16th I had to make the decision no Mother should ever have to make, I had to give the OK for them to take him off of his Ventilator.  I was told after I lost him that I would probably never carry a child again.  

A miracle happened 4 years later and a couple months after a very early miscarriage at 6 weeks gestation I found out I was pregnant again.  I had my 2nd son at 35 weeks gestation after 5 weeks of bedrest and he is now my miracle little 5 year old who has started Kindergarten, he went from a 4 pound NICU baby on a Ventilator to a very bouncy and energetic little boy. 
 

While he was 4 we decided we wanted to try for just one more.  After visits with my Perinatologist I was told we should have an uncomplicated pregnancy and we would do the same treatments we did with my 2nd pregnancy.  Our 1st month of TTC we were successful.  I was shocked that it all happened so fast and I slowly let myself get excited.  I had my very 1st appointment with my Peri the very next day and we found out I was just 3 weeks along.  I had an appt every 3 weeks or sooner.  Early on at 9 weeks my BP started to go up and I was put on restriction.  None of us were expecting this to happen but I was prepared for the worst but of course hoped for the best.  I started to take it easy and made sure to log my BP readings and went to the Peri at any point I wasn't feeling "normal".  By 15 weeks I was put on more restrictions and a little later I was put on total bedrest.  We had just found out we were having another Boy and picked the name of Anthon after my Great-Grandpa.  Our 4 year old was so excited to be a big brother and took such great care of his Mommy who wasn't able to get off the couch and play like we always do.  He would sit and ask questions about his Brother, Dallin, in Heaven daily while we sat and talked.  

At 23 weeks I went to the Hospital OB triage twice during Halloween weekend and was sent home both times.  I went to my Peri 2days later on November 3rd, 2009 and my U/S didn't go very well and I had protein in my Urine so she sent me straight over and admitted me straight to the Anti-Partum unit.  My results came back the next day and it was confirmed I had Pre-Eclampsia for the 3rd time and this time earlier then I had ever got it before.  My short term goal was 25 weeks and long term was 27 weeks which would put me at Thanksgiving.  A week later on the 9th my BP raised to the point that it wouldn't go back down, it took an hour to be hooked up to Magnesium Sulfate to stop me from going into Eclampsia.  I was prepared to deliver 2 days later on the 11th since I had discussed how long I'd be on it and they had told me 2 days if I got to that point.  On the 11th I was told I was staying stable and we would deliver once I wasn't anymore.  That night Anthons heart rate started to decrease down to 115 from 160.  I found out the next day it had never been reported to the Dr's.  At shift change at 6am on the 12th my nurse checked again and it was still at 115.  At 8am I had my daily U/S and we got the surprise none of us were prepared for.  In the 2 hours since his last check we had lost him.  I had prepared myself for an early delivery and prepared myself for my Son to go to the NICU to fight for his life but had never prepared myself to deliver my Son Stillborn.  

During my C-Section we found out I had a Complete Placental Abruption with no signs or symptoms of having it.  I was Bleeding Internally with no leaking or cramping.  So 8 years after losing my 1st son we were going to be back at the cemetery and having to bury my 3rd and last Son in the same plot as his older brother.
 

I am the proud mother of 3 Sons, 2 Angels watching over us and my Miracle Son.

Jamilyn blogs at www.2angelsandamiracle.blogspot.com